


Repetition

by Plajus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Artist Dave, M/M, Romance, Sexual Content, Single Parent John
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-14 04:52:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2178621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plajus/pseuds/Plajus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the last day of high school, Dave leaves his best friend to go to the art school of his dreams in New York. While he's completely disappeared from John's life, John marries and has a beautiful daughter, losing his wife during the birth. Six years later, Dave's back in town teaching an art class at the elementary school. One of his students has a very familiar last name though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Dave liked sculpting.

He never admitted it though. He had a "rep" to uphold. I didn't mind. He used to get a lot of shit in school when he was younger, and he had to transfer because of it. It’s how he went to my own school eventually. Only I got to see the real him.

I liked watching his hands move. He didn't take any art classes, but after school he always stayed in the art rooms to work on things. I liked to sit on one of the tables behind him and watch those slender fingers move with grace on the wheel, a smooth figure building up by his hand.

I liked asking him to show me how. He sat on another stool behind me, hands guiding mine, his chest into my back, and his breath on my cheek as he led my fingers to create a hollow shape out of clay on the wheel. I wondered if I was the only one who was blushing. I wondered if I was the only one with a crush on my best fucking friend. 

One day, Dave was sitting across from me in the empty art room, painting glaze on his latest fired project. It was painted in an array of blues, and he'd been working so hard on it.

"Can you take this out of the kiln for me tomorrow?" he asked.

I closed my book, done studying for finals tomorrow since it was the last day of school. Senior year to be exact.

"You can't?" I asked.

"I won't be here."

"Where are you going?"

"Will you take it out? And keep it?"

"I guess... where are you going? Are we still on for chilling Saturday? I got Mario Party!” 

He stopped painting the glaze and gulped, and I didn't like the look on his face. It was easier to read him with his shades off too, which he only did when he was alone with me.

"I'm going to New York," he said.

"What?"

"It's a really big art scholarship. It's the only way I'll ever go to college. You know Bro and I are tight on money. This is all I've got. So I'm moving to New York tomorrow."

He went back to painting. I feel like he didn't even give a shit about what he just said. I never told him I loved him. He didn’t even know I had stupid feelings. He had other girls always swooning over him. I was just the best friend.

"So..." Shit, what could I even say? My chest was hurting. A lot. "See you summers?"

He slowly shook his head.

I was choking on tears. "Gone for good?”

He didn't reply.

"If you had the money and could stay, would you?”

"Yes," he replied quietly. "John, you’re my most best friend in the world, even though I’m a dick sometimes and pick on you. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But I'm sick of being that boy from the bad side of town, smelling like cigarette smoke from Bro, and just... being judged. I want to go to college and make art, John. I want to do something. And it's selfish. But. Yeah…"

I stood up, throwing my backpack on. "I understand." I stopped by him, not really sure how to say goodbye. “Just… be safe.”

He nodded. I turned to leave. I heard his chair skid behind me, my wrist was grabbed, and he spun me around. His cold hands enclosed my cheeks, and his lips found mine. I really didn’t have reaction time. It was just one kiss. One deep, amazing, touching kiss. Then he pulled back, staring at me with those fiery eyes. 

"Bye, John."

I smiled, even though I was pained, then left the room. I wanted his last sight of me to be of a smile. He wasn't in the wrong there. But I was sobbing before I even reached my car.

Two years later, I suffered heartbreak for the second time.

 

I remember feeling like I didn't exist. I sat in the hospital daycare center, the building mostly dark, tiny breaths against my neck from the small human sleeping in my arms. I didn’t need anyone to tell me the bad news. I had been the one holding her hand when she left. 

A nurse eventually came by to check on me. But when I didn’t meet her eyes, she carried on, and I kept rocking in my chair, holding that baby close. I shifted her, cradling her on one arm, and brushing my knuckle over one of her pale and smooth chubby cheeks. 

“You sleep a lot,” I whispered. “And God, you’re so tiny. You’re so, so tiny. You’re little and petite. And perfect.”

She kept breathing, eyes closed in sleep. I gently pulled down the little pink hat on her head to help keep her snug and warm. “You have your mommy’s nose,” I told her. “And her hair. So light and soft. You’re like this little fragile piece of art.” 

She snorted a little in her sleep, and it actually made me smile a bit. Before I started sobbing again, a doctor walked in the room, obviously aware of the crisis I was going through. He was a good doctor though, so I didn’t shoo him like the others. 

“We concluded there was too much bleeding,” he said. 

I nodded. I already knew. I saw it all in the delivery room. Everyone was yelling. She had been holding my hand so tightly, and I was so scared when I felt her grip weakening. 

He asked the dumbest question in the world next. “You want to keep her?”

“Yes,” I practically snapped, subconsciously pulling the small baby closer. 

He ignored that. “Have a name?” he asked more quietly. 

I listened to the humming of different machines in the hospital. My chest was hurting once again. I looked down at the tiny child still sleeping her life away, having no idea what had happened to her mommy. Finally I murmured, “Lily. Because she’s a beautiful flower, like her mom.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rose was the mom btw.  
> I'm so sorry I write in first person, too.

I didn't need it, but I liked the thought of sharing the beauty of art.

Then again, all these short humans did was pick their noses and make stick people with their painted fingers. Under all that, there was a passion there. One girl had only painted a large mound of gray. I had asked her what it was.

"It's a mountain," she had told me.

Looks like a pile of melted rocks, I wanted to say, but rather asked, "Why did you paint a mountain?"

"I can hide there. From the mean kids."

They may have not been good at portraying it, but they all had a story behind their art.

It was only the one day, filling in for an old friend. But I liked it. I liked hearing their stories, and using my own imagination to turn their scribbles and blotches into real illustrations. When I got back to my studio, I called the main city education board office and asked for any openings. I had already gotten my degree, might as well put it to use.

They were awkward of me during the interview. The principal said I couldn't wear my shades during classes, but after coming out and saying I didn't really want to scare the kids shitless with my demon eyes, he allowed them to stay on.

And just like that, they were showing me my new classroom. They were printing an ID for me. I was in it for the long haul, and inside, I was more excited than ever.

It isn't a few weeks later until the official first day of school. For a while, they turn into a bunch of snot-nosed kids in my mind. I sit behind my desk, watching the little monkeys go wild. Girls talk about their hair in high-pitched voices, boys yank on each others hair. I knew second graders were going to be a handful. What the hell have you gotten yourself into this time, Strider?

Finally, I take my shoe off and throw it at the wall with a loud BANG. Either screams or gasps come out of each and every mouth. But I smile. "Sit your butts downs and we'll do something fun, eh?"

They obey. The shoe is apparently quite deadly to them. While they situate themselves in their seats, I slip the untied Converse back on, then dig through the supplies I had brought until I pull out six bottles of shaving cream.

One by one, I spray out a huge amount on each table. "Spread it out. Draw whatever the he--fudge you want."

Giggling ensues as small hands spread out the white cream. They poke it on each other's noses, and some get creative, not using the table anymore but rather giving their classmates old man beards and long eyebrows.

While they play, I go around and ask all their names to get to know them. Bobby likes dinosaurs. Charlie likes going hunting with his dad. Susan is obsessed with Adventure time, so I high-five her, then have to wipe my hand off before moving onto the next child. Eventually I kneel down by a small girl who is sitting in the back corner, ignoring the other three people at her table.

"Hi," I say, watching her finger only make circles in the shaving cream. "What are you drawing?"

"I drew a mustache. But William called it stupid, so I got rid of it before you came over."

Of course I have to give a good scolding to this William. After, I reassure the small girl, "I think it was a good idea. Because shaving cream gets rid of mustaches, right? So I think that's very creative."

A little smile cracks on her face, but she keeps her head titled down so that her pale blonde bangs cover her face. "Thank you, Mr. Strider."

"You can just call me Strider."

"Kind of sounds like a coolkid name."

Holy shit, I'm laughing my ass off, holding onto the table for support. She looks at me in surprise, and I notice how brightly blue her eyes are, but they're familiar, too. When I calm down, wiping a slight tear from the corner of my eye, I ask, "What's your name, kid?"

"Lily."

"That's a pretty name."

"Thank you. But remember, I'm not just pretty, I'm also hardcore."

Oh God, she's great. "How old are you?"

"I'm six. But I'll be seven soon."

"Do you know your last name?"

She gives me that do-you-think-I'm-fucking-stupid look, but probably minus the "fucking" in her thoughts. "Duh. I'm a purebred Egbert!"

I blink. "Egbert?"

"Mm-hmm." She's drawing something new with her finger now. It's a flower, and then she points at it for me. "A lily. Like me."

"Yeah. Like you. Did you say Egbert? Can you spell it for me?"

She uses her palm to erase the flower she had drawn, then sloppily spells it out in the cream. E-G-B-E-R-T. Fucking Egbert. Her blue eyes are really starting to kill me now. She draws a little heart at the end of the name, flashing me a dorky smile, and my heart skips a beat.

"Right, well... nice to meet you."

The rest of the day goes smoothly. They must fear the shoe to the wall. I only teach the art class though, so I have them for an hour before they're moved back to their main classrooms to learn yucky things like math and social studies.

I like all of my classes. There are one or two loud and annoying brats, but I'll straighten them out. Striders can straighten anyone out. As much as I loved it, I'm still relieved when the day is done. I lock the classroom door and ditch, heading for my car in the parking lot and trying to avoid any confrontation with the other teachers I haven't met very well yet.

For a second, I think I lose my car, but that crisis is interjected when I hear a loud wail behind me. I push my shades up my nose as I turn around, recognizing the little blonde girl from my first class. She's just been pushed down by some older boy, who has by now bolted when he realized there was a teacher nearby, and of course, here comes Dave motherfucking Strider to the rescue.

She scraped her elbow from the fall, which is bleeding, but she hasn't shed a single tear. Those eyes are still a shade of the brightest blue I've ever seen, but I've only seen that color in one other person in my lifetime. She just keeps holding those tears in harder when I'm crouching by her side.

"Hey, you all right there?" I ask, looking at her elbow.

Lily nods meekly. "Mm-hmm."

"Why did he push you?"

She shrugs. I stand up and hold my hands out, which she takes, and I help her to her feet before holding just one of her hands. "Come inside with me. I think I have Band-Aids in my desk drawer. You want Barbie or Spider-man?"

"Spider-man!" she instantly yells. She's still sniffing, but the thought of a superhero healing her elbow seems to fix her some.

Back in your classroom, I pick her up and let her sit on top of my desk, fishing out the badass spidey Band-Aid, wiping her scrap clean before applying it. "There we go. Good as new, thanks to your friendly neighborhood Spider-man. I reckon he'd be mighty proud." Wow, way to let my drawl go. Meh, she's six.

She grins proudly at me. "Thank you, Mr. Strider. I mean, Strider. Hehe. Can I draw on your board?"

"Go crazy, squirt."

Still smiling happily, she jumps down from the desk and picks a blue marker, then starts drawing circles. Just random ones, all over the whiteboard. Then she uses a red marker, putting smaller circles in the blue circles. She keeps going with each color until she's only making dots inside of them.

After a bit, she starts making triangles in places, because she ran out of room. That's when the classroom door bursts open, accompanied by a, "Lily! What are you doing? You promised to wait on the sidewalk and you weren't there. I was worried!"

It's John fucking Egbert.

I'd recognize him anywhere. Messy hair--shorter, but messy--square glasses, swimming blue eyes, thin frame. He looks so different, but at the same time he's still the same old guy. He's completely ignoring me, rather picking up Lily in his arms while she hugs him around the neck.

"Sorry, Daddy. I fell and hurt my elbow. Strider brought me in to give me a Band-Aid!" There's confusion in John's eyes, but Lily flashes him her newly covered wound, added with a, "Ta-da!"

He barely looks at it. He's looking at me though. Thank God for the shades. "Dave?"

I give a three-fingered wave. "Hey, Egbert. Sorry about the scare there. Couldn't leave her bleeding on the sidewalk, ya know?"

"Dave?" he asks again.

"Yes. Dave motherhuggin' Strider," I reply, cleaning the language because of the little one.

"Wow." He grins his signature dorky grin, holding his hand out and firmly shaking mine. You recognize Lily's dorky grin looking a lot like his. "Just wow. Been what? Seven, eight years? You move back from New York or something?"

"Yeah. Chilled there for a few years after graduating and then came back home. I own an art studio downtown, so that's where I live now. And here. With second graders. Like a boss." It seems like I'm the only one feeling awkward here. I sit back in my chair and prop my feet up on the desk, trying to put on my stupid mask of cool. "So, I see you got busy. She's too pretty to be yours, though."

He rolls his eyes, the same way he always used to. "She's mine. My little princess."

Lily squeals as he kisses her cheek. "Daddy, you're embarrassing me!"

"Don't tell me you have a crush on the teacher!" he gasps.

Lily buries her face in her hands, blushing bright red. "Daaaaaaaddy!"

He laughs, and I grin. I'm not really sure what to say next, so I search for an exit. "It was nice to see you again, man. You're looking good."

"Awkward, Dave." He's not understanding the whole go away you're making my chest feel funny hint. "Are those the same shades I got you for your birthday in the seventh grade?"

"You know it."

He scoffs, but he's still smiling. He really grew into those big teeth. And he really does look... good.

"Well, yeah, really good to see you again. And Lily, don't you listen to a single crazy thing this man says. I really don't believe in the fact of him actually growing up any from when I used to know him."

"I build a reputation with the kids and you tear it down, Egbert," I sigh.

He chuckles as he sets Lily down, then holds her hand. "You hung out with the dork, Dave. This downfall should have been easily predictable."

I wave my hand at the door. "I banish you from this class. Begone, or off with your heads."

"Morbid!" Lily declares, then laughs as she excitedly leaves. "Bye, Strider!"

"See you tomorrow, squirt."

She's set on a beeline for the door. Before they leave, John gives me one more small wave and smile. Then he's gone, and I'm left staring at a whiteboard full of colored circles, trying to properly react.

 

The next day when I see Lily come in, I call her over to my desk. She stands in front of it, smiling and waiting. "Yes, Strider?"

I lean far forward, chin resting on the desk. She copies me, chin on the edge. "So, uh... when you went home yesterday, did your dad, like, say anything about me?"

"He said you guys went to school together," she says quietly as if it's a secret.

"Anything else?"

"Uh. He's glad you're back?"

"Really?" I try not to sound too excited.

"Yeah."

"Okay, that's all. You can sit down now."

"Mm-kay!" She skips away, taking her seat while you sit and wait for the rest of the class to shut up. Oh God, what if she tells John you asked about him?

 

At recess, Lily comes in my room awkwardly. She just stands by the doorway, waiting for me to notice her.

"Can I help you?" I ask.

"Can I draw in here?"

"Aren't you supposed to be outside for recess?"

She shrugs.

"Okay," I say.

"Okay?"

"You can draw."

She smiles and drops her How To Train Your Dragon backpack running to the board to start drawing. I set a small stool out for her in case she needs to reach places her height restricts her from.

I realize she's a shape drawer. She doesn't like drawing things that are physically in front of her, but rather patterns. She also likes different colors, always switching markers.

"Mr. Strider, do you have a girlfriend?" Lily asks after about five minutes.

I chuckle and shake my head. "Nah, kid. I'm not really into girls."

"For the last time, we don't have cooties!"

"I know, I know. No cooties."

"Who do you date if you don't like girls?"

"Boys," I answer simply.

"Boys can date boys?" she questions.

"Yup. And girls can date girls if they want. There's nothing wrong with it."

"Huh. I didn't think so." She steps down from the stool and points to her creation. "Do you like it?"

Actually, I do. "I love it," I tell her. "You know what every great artist does though?"

"What?"

"You have to sign it so that everyone knows you drew it. In the bottom right corner."

She does so, signing Lily Egbert, adding her little heart on the end. While she goes back to adding things she asks, "Do you have a mommy and daddy?"

"Yeah, but I don't know them very well. Last time I saw them I was... maybe twelve?"

"Aww, I'm sorry."

"I don't care. My big brother raised me. He's a little wacko in the head, but he means well."

"Wacko?" she giggles.

"So wacko. The guy used to come at me with swords and puppets."

"Puppets?"

"I can't discuss it. Too many scary childhood memories." I dramatically sigh, shaking my head, which causes Lily to laugh again.

"Were you and my daddy best friends?" she randomly asks next.

I don't know why I pause. I just do. Then I reply, "Yes. We were the very best of friends."

When the bell rings for recess to end, she puts her marker away and runs for her backpack. "Thanks for letting me stay, Strider! Can I draw tomorrow too?"

"Shouldn't you play outside with the other kids?"

She just stares at me.

"Fine," I say.

With a happy wave, she bounds out of the room. She definitely has John's excited attitude. I wonder who gave her all that charming wit, though. Egbert is anything but charm.

 

My studio is big, but that's all it is. A studio. My bed is a mattress, my kitchen is a mini fridge plugged into the wall with a microwave on top, and my living room is a nice flat screen set up on the wall that I sometimes turn on for background noise when I'm working.

I hang my keys and jacket on a few nails I pounded into the wall by the front door, then kick my shoes off. The floor is splattered with dry paint, along with parts of the walls, but I don't really care. It gives the place character.

I go into one of my back storage rooms where I've dated the shelves. Yes, I can be organized. I find one with the year I started living in New York. Almost every piece of art there is some type of blue color.

Carefully, I slide out a random painting, wiping my hand over it. Just a painting of a certain John Egbert. Like the rest of them.

That's all.


	3. Chapter 3

"Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Papa. Dad. Father. Parental guardian. Daddy. Da. Dada. Pa. Daddy. Daddy. DADDY, WAKE UP."

Cracking one eye open, I'm met by a small face. There's a lot of annoyance in that small face though. "Hm?"

"You slept in twenty minutes! I'm going to be late!"

I'm wide awake now. I struggle to pull on my clothes before almost slamming face-first into the floor, yanking on a random shirt hanging on my desk chair.

"Go eat breakfast, Lily."

"I did! I poured the milk for my cereal and everything. I even made a bowl for you!"

"Got your school work?"

"Yes, Daddy. Just move your butt!"

"I'm going, I'm going, jeez." I smirk at the small girl, letting her jump on my back as we head down the hall to the kitchen. Sadly, her breakfast for me is only a soggy mess, so I pour it down the sink and grab a few granola bars for the ride.

While I start putting together Lily's lunch, she sits across from me at the kitchen island counter. "Mr. Strider is teaching us how to paint like the Chinese did today."

"Is he?"

"Yeah! I like doing art. He's nice."

I don't reply at first. Then I ask, "Did he ask about me?"

"He asked the same thing."

"Oh." After putting her juice in, I hand the Spongebob lunchbox over to her. "Got your bracelet?"

She holds up her wrist, flashing me the bracelet with the pin on it that's supposed to let teachers know she's allergic to peanuts. I feel bad for giving her that trait.

"Daddy! Let's go!"

She's already by the door, waiting. I grab my keys on the way, then help Lily into her booster seat. I hold in a swear word on the way to her school because we're already ten minutes late, and I'm rushing her inside once we get there.

Oh God, then I remember Dave is there. It's too late, though. I'm in the classroom, and Lily waves happily at Dave who's traveling the room, looking over kid's shoulders while they work.

"Hey, squirt," he greets, strolling over and ruffling Lily's hair once. "There's papers on my desk and paint on your table. Why don't you get set up and I'll be right over to help you get started, all right?"

"Okay!" She runs off to do as she was told while I'm left alone with the teacher.

"Sleep in?" he asks.

"Maybe," I reply. "Lily kicked my butt to get me going though."

"She is quite the butt kicker. So what are you doing these days?"

"I always wanted to be a director."

"I remember," he says with a nod.

I shift a bit awkwardly and continue, "Couldn't really go for my dream job in Hollywood with Lily, though. Not that it bothers me! But I direct plays at the state theater. Probably much more fun than Hollywood."

"Do you act in them?"

"Sometimes."

"Fits you. Now hey, you're only a bit younger than me, twenty-six? Lily is six. What broad did you knock up so quickly, dude?" He laughs and pats my shoulder.

My chest clenches, and my throat feels dry. "I... I'm late for work. See ya, Dave."

I bolt out of there quite fast. He doesn't know, but it still hurts. I play with the ring that hangs on a chain around my neck, just trying to focus on leaving and getting to the theater. Not about what Dave said. Not that he called her a broad. I kind of wanted to punch him. What the fuck does he know, he left!

I used to wear the ring on my finger years after she died. But Lily started wondering why. She wanted me to find someone to make me happy. So I had to start wearing it around my neck instead.

Everyone is already at the theater when I get there. Talking and loitering and then yelling burns at me when they see that their director actually decided to show up.

"I know, I know, I slept in," I say, jumping up on the stage.

"You lecture us all the time not to sleep in!" one of them laughs.

"I'll lecture about getting new actors if you all don't get in your places for the second scene in act two this instant," I respond, a grin finally showing up on my face.

 

When I go to pick up Lily from school, she's playing Rock-Paper-Scissors with Dave.

I still don't want to face him. Not after his question this morning. So I only return a small wave to him, and while Lily jumps in the car to buckle herself in, I'm staring at Dave as he heads for his own car.

He's definitely taller, then again so am I, but he still has a few inches on me. He looks good in a cardigan--oh God, shut up, John. And his hair is still nice. Shorter, but soft looking. That light chestnut color I've always loved. Still tall and slim, but strong.

Shit, am I comparing him from before or checking him out? Ugh...

"Daddy, look what I made in art!"

Waking from thoughts, I turn in my seat to look back at my daughter. She's holding up a long piece of paper with different shades of gray. Mountains and squiggly lines that are probably trees cover it.

"It's Chinese," she informs.

"It's beautiful, darling. I swear it's going right up on the fridge as soon as we get home."

"Mr. Strider says I make really good mountains."

"I can see why, they're amazing."

She beams with pride, and her smile literally just heals me of things I didn't know needed healing. As I put the car in drive I say, "I want to show you something today."

"What is it?"

"A surprise."

Not the best one. But still good. She doesn't question me any more than that, just humming with the music on the radio as we drive out from the main city. I feel nervous, but I need to do this. She's old enough.

About ten minutes later, I'm pulling over to the side of the road across from a cemetery. Before I get out of the car Lily asks, "Do I get to see my mommy now?"

"Yes." I open her door, letting her jump out and hold my hand. She keeps close, probably thinking ghosts or skeletons are going to appear because of the fact it's a cemetery. I've always found them calming. The person we're visiting is the one who always kept me calm in the first place.

Lily finds the gravestone herself. "Rose," she says simply.

"Yeah."

"Egbert."

"Mm-hm."

"This is my mommy."

"Yes."

"But she's dead."

"Yeah, honey. She died."

"When I was born."

"Yes."

"So she didn't get to meet me."

"I think she's around."

"Watching me grow up?"

"Yes."

"That's nice of her."

"It is."

Pause. "We're flowers."

"Yes, you both are flowers."

"Roses are pretty."

"So are lilies."

"Are Johns a flower?"

I chuckle, giving her hand a squeeze. "No, I don't believe they are."

"I still think you're handsome, Daddy."

"Thank you, hon."

"Do you think Mommy is here right now?"

"I do."

She looks around as if she'll simply just be standing nearby. I consider looking around too, but I've checked far too many times every other time I've come here alone.

When Lily looks back at the gravestone she asks, "Did you love Mommy?"

"Very much. And still do."

"Is that why you won't date other people, Daddy?"

I gulp and pull her close in against my side. "It might be. I don't know. You're smart. You actually remind me of Mom right now. You're analyzing me like a shrink."

She grins at the thought of being like her other parent. "Hey Daddy?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Do you think Mommy is okay with you not dating other people because you miss her?"

I chuckle again and shake my head. "No. She's probably super annoyed with me."

"You shouldn't annoy her."

"Okay. I won't anymore."

"Good."

She runs out of questions for a while. But then they come bubbling back up. Questions about what Rose used to do for hobbies, what her job was, how you two met, and so much more. For once, I didn't mine talking about her, because in a way I'm talking to her. I've always seen a little bit of Rose in Lily.

 

A week later, Lily forgets her lunch for school. And I am not the kind of father to leave her hanging. I'm not in the mood to face Dave again, especially after last time, but getting food in my little sweetheart's belly is much more important. 

I leave one of the older actors back at the theater in charge as I rush off to the school, the Spongebob lunchbox taunting me in the passenger's seat. I stick my tongue out at him, but have to put on a polite face when I enter the elementary school. 

In the art room, all of the kids are playing with packing peanuts. They're all sticking together in weird shapes though, and I smile at the sight of Lily happily playing with hers.

I don't even hear Dave come up to me, only his voice as he says, "You a Spongebob fan?"

I jump a little and look at him. "What? Oh. Um, Lily forgot her lunch. Sorry to interrupt."

"No problem. Just playing with packing peanuts. I can give that to her if you'd like. Got a little 'love you' note in it? Maybe an 'I'm proud' note like you're dad used to do?"

"Shut up." You roll your eyes and hand him the lunchbox. "What are they even doing?"

"Oh. They're disposable packing peanuts. Made out of cornstarch. If you lick them, they stick together perfectly, so we're making sculptures out of them. Fun, right? Lily really likes it. She's got a good flow of swirls going on there. Little quirky, though."

"She's six."

"Almost seven!" he proclaims, almost exactly like the way she does, and you hate that you crack a little smile. 

"Well. I'm glad she's having fun. Although, they're all quirky."

"She has talent."

"Of course she does." She's a fucking Egbert, she's chalk full to the rim--and more rims--with talent. 

"No, like, seriously. Come here, I want to show you something." 

I want to leave so badly, but I sigh and follow him. He digs out a digital camera from his desk, but before he shows me anything, he has to snap at some kid for putting wet packing peanuts in someone else's hair. But his attention comes back, and he holds up the screen. 

It's the whiteboard for his room, full of tons of colors and shapes. They move in a certain way though, and it's just so full, and there's a lot going on in it. "Having fun on your board?" I ask. 

"No, your daughter did that." He clicks a button, and it shows a new picture, kind of like the last one, but it has a different flow this time. Then he clicks it again. And again. There's at least fourteen of them. 

"She comes in every day for recess instead of going outside, and she draws on my whiteboard. After the first day, I just started taking pictures of them all when she was done."

Okay, yeah, I'm amazed beyond belief. I take the camera from him and scroll through the pictures, beaming in pride. That's my daughter that made these beautiful creations. I've never felt more proud. I've never been good at art, and the only thing Rose was amazing at was the elaborate creations she made with her knitting, and I wonder if that has something to do with it. Or she's just special. But I knew that already. 

I turn around and look at Lily as I set the camera down. She's been waiting for me to notice her, and she waves happily. I wave back, then face Dave. "Can you keep taking pictures of them?"

"Of course. Look, John--"

"Yeah?" Whoa, way to sound fucking excited. Calm your tits, Egbert. 

"Um. You bolted out of here last week. Didn't mean to offend you or anything. Was just curious or whatever about the Mrs. Egbert, ya know?"

My chest hurts again, right over the spot where my ring is still on that chain, hidden under my shirt. But I gulp the pain down, and I force a smile as I shake his hand. "No worries. You're fine." 

"Right. Well, it's good to be back in town again and everything. We should get together and just talk, maybe get some coffee sometime. Catch up with the girls." 

"Yeah. Sounds good." I finally release his hand and step back. "Thanks for giving Lily her lunch. And for those pictures. Maybe see you around." 

I bolt again, waving to Lily once more. What's wrong with me? It's not that hard to tell him. Hey, Rose actually died, you know, my wife, so yeah. 

Getting back to the theater, I feel better, because I have to fill in for an actor. 

It's easier being someone else when I'm alone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> omg chemistry

Wow, Jade looks... hot. 

I spot her first, but I don't wave her over, because just the look of her distracts me. Too bad I like a little uumph in the pants, but that doesn't mean I can't admire her. Finally, she sees me and waves, running over. I stand from my chair and open my arms, already knowing she's going to launch herself at me.

Which she does. She squeals, squeezing me tightly, and I just chuckle. "Hey there, Harley."

"Gosh, Dave! Hi! It's been years!" 

"Yeah, no kidding. You look amazing, by the way."

"Pft! Thanks, but you're looking pretty hot too, no worries."

We're talking just like we used to in high school, and I love it. I offer her to sit down, and we both order a drink from the café she decided we'd meet at. Once relaxed, she sets her jacket on the back of the chair, then just grins at me. "Well, hey."

"Hey," I reply, cracking a small smile.

"So? Come on, give me the deets, what're you doing back home? Thought you'd be living all high and mighty in the Big Apple by now."

I explain the situation about how I came back for teaching, and for the art studio I now own for such a nice price. But she starts laughing at the fact I'm teaching second graders, so I roll my eyes behind my shades. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, laugh it up." 

"It's almost impossible to imagine," she giggles. "But at the same time, I can easily see it! Bet you give those kids a real lesson, huh?"

"Yeah. They fear my shoe."

"What?"

"Nothing. What are you up to these days? Still a Harley? No lucky guy yet?" 

"Not exactly yet," she replies with a shrug. "Been loving my job too much. But I think I'll start looking into a bit of romance soon. As for what I've been doing, I own a shooting range. I run events and teach classes there and just play with some good ol' firearms."

"Why am I not surprised?" 

She laughs, hitting my shoulder. "Sure, sure. So, have you called to meet up with John at all yet?"

"Actually, I have his daughter in my class. So I've seen him a few times now."

"Oh, you've met Lily! Isn't she just the most adorable thing?" 

"She really is," I chuckle. "Very excitable. Very smart, too. It's like she knows everything about everyone already."

"Gets that from her mother," Jade says with a grin. 

"Yeah, that reminds me. I asked John about Lily's mom, but he kinda ran away." 

"Well, how did you ask? He's usually open about it with me." 

"I don't know. Just asked what chick he knocked up."

She punches my shoulder, quite hard. Damn, she's strong. I blame all the rifles she uses. Never mind that, my shoulder hurts now, and I clutch it, looking back at her. "What the hell, Jade?"

"You're so insensitive!"

"I was just curious."

"John married Rose."

"What?" I laugh a bit, forgetting about my shoulder. "He's embarrassed about that? Wow. I can't believe he fell for Lalonde. Just wow."

"Dave! Listen, jeez. You're still such an ass. Rose died." 

My throat catches now. I haven't seen Rose in eight years, but still. The four of us, we were inseparable, so it's natural that this news is really hurting me. I look down, now thinking about the way I asked John about Lily's mom the other day, and my gut hurts. God, I am an ass. Wow. 

"I'm sorry," is all I can say. "I... wow. Sorry. Um, how?" 

"She died giving birth to Lily." 

"Oh. Wow. God, I feel horrible now. I've missed a lot. No wonder John seems mad at me." 

"Mad? You killed him, Dave."

I stare in her eyes, my stomach only starting to hurt more. "What?"

"It's how he and Rose got together in the first place. After you left, John was devastated, and he started hanging out with Rose more to help him get better. And they just got very close. Holy shit, Dave. He sent you a wedding invitation!" 

I think I remember actually seeing that... I didn't really look. I just tossed it with the other stuff. 

Feeling worse, she continues, "He sent you an invitation to Lily's first birthday, too. You know, he even tried to contact you about Rose's funeral. We've all been trying to reach you for years. Especially him." 

I flash back to the day I left. The day I fucking... kissed him. And he smiled at me, and I'm not sure if it was real or not, but it was enough to eventually heal me. Even though it took years. 

"I'm sorry," I say to Jade, although I'm not sure why I should tell her. 

"Don't apologize to me."

"I know. I just feel horrible." 

"Well. Don't kill yourself over it. I mean, you're back now, aren't you? This is a good chance for you to make up for it. I totally understand that you were trying to be an artist and all, and I'm really proud of you, don't get me wrong! You just should have kept in touch." 

I drop my head with a sigh. "I didn't know I'd come back. That's why I cut myself off." 

"I'm glad you're back."

"Yeah. Me too." You finally manage a soft smile. 

 

A few days later, I catch Lily standing outside of the school, waiting for John to pick her up. I stop beside her, staring at nothing in particular and whistling to myself. 

"Mr. Strider, what are you doing?" she giggles. 

"Oh, Lily! I didn't see you there. How are you?"

"Good. And you?"

"Just great. You did a good job in class today. I think you're going to get an A. But shh, don't tell anyone, okay?"

She crosses her fingers over her heart with an enthusiastic nod. "I promise! Don't you have to go home?" 

"I want to talk to your dad."

"Do you talk to everyone's dad?"

"Not really."

"Do you have a crush on my dad?"

I laugh and ruffle up her hair a bit. "You're a crazy kid. Your dad is just still a good friend to me."

"Why do you wear shades?" she randomly asks. "Are you insecure about yourself or your eyes?" 

Holy shit, it's a little Rose. But right after, she makes this big dorky grin, and then I'm seeing John in her. It flusters me. Before I can answer, I recognize John's voice calling Lily from where he's parked across the street. 

"Go talk to him," Lily says. "I know what this is! Just grown ups. I'll just observe this wall over here." She turns around, staring at the school. "Beautiful."

"You're a weird kid, Lily."

"I blame Daddy." 

I laugh, patting her head. "It'll just be a few minutes." 

After she gives me a thumbs-up, I cross the street where John already has his window rolled open. I lean down against it, and I can tell he's uncomfortable. "What is Lily doing?" he asks.

"Observing that wall. Apparently it's beautiful."

"What?"

"Look. I talked to Jade this weekend. She told me about Rose, and I just wanted to apologize for what I said last week. Even if I didn't know, it was still insensitive of me, and I'm just very sorry. And I know I should have known in the first place, because you've been trying to keep in contact with me, and I've been being a dick and just erasing you all from my memory." Wow, I'm just ranting like I used to do when I was a kid. By the look on John's face, I think I'm ranting the right way though. "The point is, I'm sorry. And I know that me being back doesn't make up for any of it. But I'd like to hang out again. Chill at a bar, accompany you on a playdate with Lily. Anything." 

John just stares at me. Did I do something wrong? Shit, shit, shit--

"That sounds great," he says. He means it this time, though. "Well, you have my number on Lily's forms. Just... give me a call sometime or something?" 

A smile breaking out, I nod. "Yeah. No problem. And again, I'm sorry about Rose. Even if it has been years."

"No hard feelings." He holds his hand out, shaking mine, and actually smiling. 

Then Lily randomly shows up, shoving me aside and yelling at John, "Can we go get ice cream, Daddy?"

He laughs. "Maybe if you apologize for pushing Dave." 

"He shoved me this morning!" 

John looks at me with raised eyebrows. I shrug and give Lily a small shove. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"He just did it again! See!" She turns, shaking her finger at me. "Don't make me do it, Mr. Strider!" 

"Do what exactly?" 

She turns back to her father. "Did you know Mr. Strider only likes boys?" 

I choke on the air in my throat and feel a strong need to slam my face in against the car door and leave a forever Dave imprint there. John widens his eyes a little, but then it seems like he's not really reacting. Actually, he fucking smiles. Then he laughs! 

"Yeah," he says. "I know."

He knows, because eight years ago I planted a kiss on those lips. 

"I'm kicking your butt tomorrow," I tell Lily before turning away and heading for my own car.

"Not if I kick yours first!" she calls to my back. 

 

It's a Thursday. It's chilly out, and I'm in a layer of sweatshirts with ironic mittens and a scarf. Rose Egbert's grave is in front of me, and I might just ironically shed a tear. Striders aren't supposed to shed tears, but it's an occasional thing that happens. At least I'm alone. 

"I kind of fucked up," I tell her. 

She doesn't reply obviously. I haven't talked to her in over eight years, and I feel really sick about that. 

"I told you and John the same amount of secrets back then," I say, digging my heel into the dirt absently. "But I told you more. You know, about my crush. I just--I don't know where I'm even fucking going with this. Heh... But, uh, thanks I guess. I know I really hurt John back then when I left. I'm really, really happy you were around to heal him. Heal each other maybe. 

"Wow, and Lily is just beautiful. She's got all those things I love about you in her. Also the things about you that annoy me are in her too." I laugh, shoving my hands into my pockets. I wonder if I'm just talking to air. "But seriously, she's great. And I miss you. Hope everything's already wherever you are." 

I still don't get a reply. But that's okay. It feels nice just talking. 

"Hope you can forgive me. And if you do, maybe you can help me through all this. I just feel like John kind of hates me. I know things won't be the same, but I was stupid once, and I don't want to lose him again. I don't know what you can do, but... yeah. 

"Well, anyway. You're probably laughing at me right now because I'm talking to myself. And for once, I'm not going to blame irony. I grew up. Kind of. Growing up is for chumps, but natural processes took over part of the time. I think next time I come here, I'm going to bring you a painting I did of you. Remember? Beginning of senior year. By the way, you're a really bad model, and not because you look bad, because you've always been a beautiful, beautiful person, but because you're so damn fidgety. Oh, and thanks a lot, you gave that trait to your kid too, so I always have to--"

"Dave?"

Jumping--almost yelping--I turn and see John nearby, wrapped in his own coat. He's holding a rose in his hand, and at first I think I'm in trouble, but then he gives me a soft smile. "Hey. Didn't think you'd come here." 

"Thought I'd... give respects. For when I missed it."

"That's really nice of you." He closes the distance between he and I, laying down the rose over her grave. "Don't worry about talking aloud to her. I do that too. It's relaxing in a way, because you feel like someone else actually knows, right?"

I nod, because that's exactly right. "Yeah. Well, I've been here long enough. If you need to talk to her or something, I can head off." 

He shrugs. "I just came to leave the rose. I like to do that before winter comes. Lily is at the neighbors, so I should really get back before she starts driving them crazy."

"Do you need a ride? It's pretty cold today."

He avoids my eyes, looking at the gravestone. "Yeah. That would be nice. Thanks."

The first five minutes of the ride to his place, he's very quiet. But then he pops up with a random question about if I still play video games. Fuck yeah I tell him. That fills the rest of the car ride with talk about what games we've both been playing, and what my favorite new releases are. It's like old times. And I love it.

When I pull up in front of his house, he doesn't get out of the car. We both just keep talking. We talk about his job, and my own job, and art I've done, and plays he's directed. 

Chatting is distracted when Lilly is suddenly outside of the car, banging on the window. She makes a silly face, then giggles and runs back into the house. John rolls his eyes, then faces me again as he unbuckles himself from his seat. "Thanks again for the ride, Dave."

"No problem. I'll see you around soon." 

"Yeah, do you wanna go out sometime?"

"What, like some coffee? Maybe we could meet up with Jade. Bring Lily along and stuff. I heard McDonalds has a badass ball pit."

He smiles, but still speaks bluntly. "Like, go out."

"Oh!" Oh. "Oh. Yeah."

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah. That sounds nice. I'll give you a call, all right?"

"Okay." He leans in, as if he's about to actually fucking kiss me, but then he just pulls back again to get out of the car. I wave to return his, then watch as Lily runs back out of the house to jump in his arms. I can't hear what they're saying, but they're both smiling and laughing as he puts her up on his shoulders to go back inside. 

Then I realize I'm staring at his house after he's gone inside. I don't do any sort of happy dance until I pull away and am out of one-mile radius of his presence.


	5. Chapter 5

It's about four in the morning when I'm woken up. There's a small hand gently tugging on my shirt, and I open my eyes thinking that I'm late for work again. But it's dark outside, and Lily's just looking at me, still in her pony pajamas.

"What's wrong, honey?" I mumble, rubbing one of my eyes.

"I had a bad dream," she whispers.

"What about?"

"You left the house, and I was all alone. You didn't come back."

"I'm not leaving you, hon. Never. Come in bed, it's okay."

She climbs up, clutching that stuffed bunny that Dave had gotten me for my own thirteenth birthday, then cuddles up against my side in the dark. I tell her to go back to sleep now, closing my eyes and almost completely passing out again.

"Daddy?" she whispers.

"Hm."

"Are you happy?"

"Yes."

She's quiet again. I can see her hands petting the soft ears of her stuffed animal as she thinks. I know she's not going to sleep yet, so I prepare myself for six-year-old talk time.

Soon enough she says again, "Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"Do you feel sad sometimes?"

"Sometimes. We all feel sad sometimes."

"Sometimes..."

"Sometimes what?"

She turns and becomes very close to me, lightly petting my hair, and it makes me smile. But then my smile drops as she whispers very quietly, "Sometimes I hear you crying."

I gulp and lightly start rubbing her back, which always seems to get her to sleep easier. I just don't know how to reply though. I mean, it's not like I do it every night, nor every week. It's just an occasional thing to let some pent up feelings go.

"Don't worry about me," I whisper. "Crying isn't bad. It makes me feel better."

"Are you lonely?"

"I've got you."

"Do you miss Mommy?"

"Of course I do, sweetie."

"Did I kill her?"

Oh God. Oh God, no, no, fuck. I pull her in tight, because I can't believe she just said that, and I shush her and keep rubbing her back, and I wonder which one of us I'm trying to comfort here. "No, honey," I tell her, more awake now. "No, you didn't do anything. The bad stuff that made us lose her happened after you were born. It had nothing to do with you. I promise. You're fine. It's okay. I love you, okay? So does your mom. You're fine, honey, now shush."

She's not the one crying though. She's the one who calms me down instead. Holding her close like a teddy bear she mutters, "Will you be happy?"

"Yeah," I manage. "I will."

 

The next Saturday morning, Lily is looking at me teasingly as I hold my cell phone to my ear, listening to empty rings.

"Did he answer yet?" she giggles.

"If he did, I'd be talking to someone, wouldn't I?"

She keeps wiggling in her spot on the couch, laughing. "How about now?"

"One more time and you're not getting desert tonight."

With a squeak, she hides her face in a couch pillow. "Don't suffocate yourself," I laugh.

"Why would I do that?" her muffled voice calls.

"Well, because you--"

"Hello?"

I choke a little, turning away and focusing on the call instead. "Hey. It's John."

"Oh, hey. Sup. Didn't I say I was calling you? Or did you just get too excited?"

"Oh! You did say you were calling me, didn't you? God, sorry. You're probably busy."

"Jesus, John," Dave chortles. "It's all cool, man. Did you have something planned for us to do, or am I in charge for this date?"

I scratch my head nervously, pacing the living room. Lily is following me around in circles. "Well, I don't really... go out. I'm not sure how this works exactly. So, uh... I guess that puts you in charge."

"And what makes you think I've got all the moves in this?"

"When haven't you had the moves, Strider?"

"Touché. You're just trying to get on my good side, aren't you? That way I'll buy dinner and be the driver and pull your chair out for you and put my coat over puddles for you when we walk on the street."

"Dang, you just know me so well. Then again, I wouldn't have to try very hard to make you do that for me anyway."

Dave actually laughs a little. "John Egbert, since when did you learn to come on to people?"

"Probably learned from you."

"The only person I ever used to come on to was you."

My face blushes bright red, and Lily notices. She jumps up and down, tugging on my shirt. "Why are you so red, Daddy? What'd he say, what'd he say?"

"Shh!" I turn away from her, embarrassed by a six-year-old, and say to Dave, "Heh, yeah. So..."

"I'll pick your up at six. Tomorrow night. How's that? Wear dirt clothes."

"Dirt clothes?"

"Clothes that you can ruin. What, you think I'm going to take you to some cliché fancy pants restaurant? You know that's not how I roll. We're doing hardcore shit here, man. It's a thing and I'm making it happen."

"You're so weird."

"And don't you forget it. And tell that squealing girl in the background to calm her shit."

I chuckle, messing up Lily's hair a bit so she'll back off. "Sure. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See ya, Egbert."

For some reason, I wait for him to hang up first. When he does, I put my phone down and glare down at Lily. "Do you really have to bug me when I'm on the phone, young lady?"

She freezes and doesn't reply. When she can't think of responses, she usually just fidgets around awkwardly until I think of something else, or until she thinks of a new topic.

She chooses the latter when she yells, "Let's make cookies!"

"We made some last week."

"Let's buy more!"

"And what does that cost?"

"Money?"

"Right. We don't have a whole lot of that, remember? We have to watch how much sweets we buy. I think you know who we can always get sweets from though."

She beams and randomly spins around a few times. "Grandpaaaa!"

"Ha-ha, your got that right."

"Can we go see him? Huh? Can we?"

"Sure, it will get you out of my hair for a while," I joke.

"Hey!"

 

The next day, I'm a nervous mess. I can't really eat my lunch, so I let Lily down the rest of mine. I think about what I said about our money yesterday, and I feel guilty, so I take Lily out for ice cream. She really deserves it.

In the restaurant, she has chocolate dripping down her fingers and smeared across her face. I grin and finish my own cone of ice cream before leaning across the table to wipe her face clean.

"You are such a mess, you know that?"

She giggles and keeps eating. Like a pig. "We're going to Grandpa's after this," I say. "He's going to watch you for the night."

"Uh 'igh?"

"Swallow before you talk."

She does as she's told, then asks again, "The night?"

"Yeah. I'm hanging out with Dave tonight."

"You're not hanging out! It's a daaaaaate." She giggles, doing this weird dance where she wiggles her body around with her butt still seated though.

"Kinda," I start, but she interrupts me.

"Date!"

"Maybe."

"Daaaate!"

"Fine, it's a date you cute little butthead."

She laughs like a movie villain for a bit, takes a big chunk of ice cream to eat, then speaks again. "You're going on a date all night?"

"I don't know how long it will take. If you fall asleep at Grandpa's, I don't want to disturb you. But I promise to come get you in the morning." 

"Fine. But I'm eating as many sweets as I want at Grandpa's!"

"Go ahead, I won't be the one dealing with the sugar rush." 

When she's done eating, we get back into the car to drive to my dad's. I really try not to drop Lily off with him too often, but sometimes it's all I can do. He already helps us with money issues, and it's hard to be independent, but he's always willing to help. 

Lily's sugar rush is already running by the time we get there, and she leaps on my dad's leg squealing the Spongebob theme song. He laughs and picks her up, draping her over his shoulder. "How long you going to be out?"

"I'm not sure. Probably late."

Without you even asking, he already says, "I'll keep her the night. You need a break anyway." 

"No, it's fine, I can come back around--"

"Go, John." He chuckles and pats my shoulder a few times, adjusting Lily because she's squirming like a worm on him. "It's about time you went on a date. Who's the lucky lady?" 

My heart drops at that, my mouth agape like a fish. Shit. Shit. God, damn. "Um..." 

"Lucky guy?"

I'm bright red, still fidgeting. Shit...

"His name is Daaaaave!" Lily yells. 

"Lily!" I scold.

Dad's just laughing though, giving that shoulder of mine a shake. "Whoever you're going out with, just make sure they're good. I'm proud of you either way, son." He pauses while I'm going through a short-lived happiness at his approval. Then he says, "That sounds familiar."

"Dave Strider. From high school."

"He's back?"

"Yeah..." 

He thinks about it for a while. But then he ends up nodding. "I always liked that kid. You have fun now." 

I grin like a derp now. "Oh. Thanks, Dad. Really. Lily, can I have a goodbye?"

She twists from my dad's arms, hugging me around the neck. "Be a good boy! Play nice with Mr. Strider. No talking to strangers. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Sneeze in your elbow, not your hand. Use your inside voice when you get there. Don't use naughty word--"

"Love you too. Bye, sweetie." 

I kiss her cheek while my dad holds in laughter. They both wave goodbye to me in the doorway as I leave, and I just know that she's going to have twice as much sugar in her by the time the sun goes down. 

 

Dave lives in his studio apparently. It's hard to tell if it's clean or not because of all the colors from art supplies that have been splattered everywhere. But I'm mesmerized by the huge paintings he's got up and the large sculptures he's created. 

When he closes the door behind him, I just walk around the flat, looking at all of his masterpieces. There are clay pots with complex patterns on them and watercolors with grand schemes. 

"This is amazing," I say without thinking. 

"Thanks. Where's the squirt?"

I turn, hugging my sweatshirt around me. I'm still so nervous, and I can barely meet his eyes, even if they're covered by shades. "She's staying at my dad's for the night." 

"All night? John, aren't we moving a little fast?" he jokes.

I roll my eyes. "Just a night off. She's perfect, but she's also a handful." 

"You really love her."

"Of course! She's my everything."

He just smiles that soft and calm smile he always used to whenever I said deep shit like that. I don't know why he likes it, considering he's into the whole badass coolkid irony thing. But I always loved that deep side that he only showed me. It makes me wonder if I'll see that side of him again tonight. 

Dave joins me by my side, and we quietly just look at some old pottery he's got set up. It makes me think of that blue pot he made me. The one I kept when he moved. I still have it, too. It's in the windowsill back home, carrying a bundle of roses and lilies. 

"Dave?"

"What's up?"

"Can I get right to the thing that we're both wondering about before we do this whole date thing?" 

"What do you mean?"

"Why'd you kiss me?

I see him staring at me from out of the corner of my eyes. He sighs and shoves his hands down in the pockets of his skinny jeans--which look really good on him by the way--then shrugs. 

"I really liked you, John. I don't know. I guess I didn't want to just leave without knowing what it felt like."

"I think I was crushing on you hard back then." Holy shit, what am I saying? Are all secrets coming out before we even do anything here? "I mean, I think I was, but I didn't want to get picked on for liking another guy, so I was in denial. But Jesus shit, I was crushing on you hard. You kissed me. And left." 

I don't hear anything beside me for a while. Then he says, "I'm sorry." 

"We were both selfish." I shrug. "You killed me with that kiss. And then I made you feel guilty about leaving when all you wanted was a good future. I'm sorry about that, too. Because all of this art here... it's just... wow. It's amazing. And I'm glad you went. Really."

"You mean that?"

"Yes." 

He lets out this huge sigh as if I've just taken a large weight off his shoulders. Was I really making him feel that guilty? 

I look at him, managing a small smile, and still a real one. "I'm glad you're back too."

"I'm glad I'm back, too." He returns my smile and takes his shades off, just like that, completely casual like he always use to with me. He's closer to me, and I subconsciously present myself taller, because I feel like a little high school boy with a secret crush again when he's towering over me with that dreamy smile and vibrant eyes and--fuck, Egbert, you're under the Strider charm. 

"You have full rights to reject. But can I try again?" he asks, voice more hushed.

I know exactly what he means. And like an idiot, I nod. 

It's not sudden like before. He cups my neck, and our noses touch each other's skin before we tilt our heads just enough so that our mouths meet. He closes his lips on mine, holding it, then opening his lips to leave another few. My fingertips are tingling, so I reach out to hold onto his shirt, pressing up on my feet to get myself a little taller. God, I hope I'm doing this right, I can't remember the last time I ever kissed like this...

When he pulls away, I open my eyes like waking from a dream. 

"Better than before?" he asks, and I see him lightly licking his lips. 

"The same," I say, breathless. 

"Wow, I must have been a good kisser back then, huh?"

Even after that, I'm putting on a smile. "You have no idea. Let's just... get to your weirdass date idea thing now." 

With a killer grin that sends a shiver down my spine, he nods affirmatively. "Let's do that, Egbert."


	6. Chapter 6

At first, I'm in a bit of a panic when I wake up and check the time on my watch. Then I remember that there's no school today from some random holiday that made no sense to have off. But hey, nothing beats a day out of work.

Something shifts next to me, and before I can turn to look I see my hand laying in a small puddle of spilt beer. There's at least five or six empty bottles. Then I look at my other hand, which is on the other side of John Egbert, who is currently using my arm as a pillow under his neck as he sleeps.

And then I remember everything from last night. It was the most damn perfect thing to have ever happened to me.

I had given John a tarp suit. Literally, it was a body suit made out of plastic, like shopping bags and shit. After I put my own paint-splattered one on I took him to another room where I had a huge canvas set out--quite expensive, but worth it. There were also large tubs of different colored paints ready.

"No way," John said, laughing at the sight.

"Yup. Hardcore body art here, Johnny." I smirked as I pressed a button on my nearby stereo, blasting the music of a band John and I always used to love, then approached him again. "What color?"

"I don't know! Ha-ha, Yellow?"

"You got it."

I stood right in the tub, soaked up to my knees in yellow paint. After stepping out on the tarp I had set up, I started walking right on top of the canvas, leaving behind dripping yellow footprints. "Come on, Egbert! Get a move on."

He had this huge grin on, as if he couldn't believe he was really doing this. He bolted over to the neon blue paint instead, dipping in his arms and then his legs before joining me on the canvas. He laid out on his back, doing some type of snow angle, but with paint.

"I'm like Picasso!" he laughed.

"Dude, anything makes more sense than what Picasso did."

Eventually I ended up dipping my butt into the red paint before sliding myself around the canvas. When enough paint had built up, John and I began taking running starts before sliding all the way across the big canvas on our stomachs, leaving behind streaks of rainbow. It was just him I was with, so I wasn't afraid to laugh like there was no tomorrow. He's the only one I've ever been able to show so much emotion with.

From all the different colors, the canvas was at the starting point of turning brown from too many mixes, so I had us stop there. We were both dripping with colors, and John had smeared blue across his face with purple on his nose, and we both just laughed at the look of each other.

We stood side by side, looking at our creation, taking it in. Then I said, "It looks like a pile of bullshit."

John laughed loudly, giving me a playful shove. "Still better than Picasso, right?"

"Always better than Picasso," I agreed.

I allowed him use my shower for the paint that had gotten on our skin, and I let him borrow a change of my clothes since his own dirt clothes were ruined with colors that had gotten through the tarp suit.

But I showered first. When I was done, and he was using it, I was quick to set up our "lameass" dinner, as I knew he would call it. I didn't play any cheesy violin music in the background, just my usual rock and rap (but mostly rock, John couldn't stand the rap I liked).

With John came back in, I tried not to blush at the sight of him in my own clothes. "Hey," I greeted. "I know it's just Chinese, but what's the point of a fancy dinner if it probably doesn't taste that good? Might as well enjoy junk food you like, right?"

 

John just smiled and sat down at my perfect dining table--my bed--and picked up his food, checking inside the box. "You still remember my favorite Chinese food?"

"General Taos Chicken with lo mein, but without the lettuce." I reached behind myself and then slammed down a full gallon of milk. "And if I still remember correctly, you can't eat Chinese without milk."

John just kept on grinning, and I hoped that it would stay that way. We both ate sitting crisscross before each other on my mattress, drinking straight from the gallon instead of fetching glasses, because being fancy was for chumps. Hell, we just rolled our bodies around in paint. And occasionally, on each other.

When we were both too full, the Chinese was left on the floor while we both laid side by side on our backs on my mattress. We just started talking again. I snorted at all the lame movies he was watching and accused him for torturing poor Lily with them. He then accused me of turning a bunch of second graders into paint-flinging shade-wearing posers.

After picking on him long enough I randomly said, "I'm sorry I didn't come to your wedding."

He shrugged, but I couldn't see it. Just felt his arm rubbing on mine. "It's okay," he said. "It wasn't big. Just close family and friends. Small church, which is weird, because neither of us really indulge ourselves in that."

I chuckled, trying to imagine Rose in a church. "I'm surprised she didn't burst into flames," I joke.

John scoffed, but I could hear the smile in it as he nudged my arm. "She wore a real wedding dress though. Black lace, but still a white dress."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. But she had chucks on underneath."

I laughed at that. Sure did sound like Rose. When I let some silence pass I said, "I saw the invitation. It reached me. But I just... couldn't watch you marry someone else. I thought you'd forget about me by then, too."

"Why would I forget you?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. I missed you."

"I missed you too. Let stop being all deep and whiney now."

"Heh, no problem. Want a beer?"

"I don't drink much."

"Hey, it's a date. We already rolled in paint, I think you can handle a bottle or two. Your actors don't need to know."

"What if I tell your students?"

"Like their parents don't do it," I laughed, pulling myself to my feet and digging around in my mini fridge. I found a six pack and joined John again where the talking continued.

I used to be in love with him. Secretly. It's been so long, though. He's different, obviously. Still a little dorky, but grown up, and I had been scared he wasn't the same John I fell for eight years ago. But I still see him. And I'm ready to fall again if I can.

"... and then she threw up!" John laughed hysterically, spilling a drop of beer on his pants. Holy shit, he really couldn't hold his alcohol.

"Huh?"

"Lily. On the pony." He couldn't stop giggling, and he looked like an idiot, and I wish I had been listening to his story, but now I'm laughing just as hard. God, we're stupid.

When we both finished three bottles each, we're back to sprawling on the mattress. But we're quiet now. It was late out, and I was ready to sleep, but not with John there. I had to focus on him.

"Need a ride home?" I muttered.

He opened his eyes, having been dozing off himself. "Can I stay?" he slurred a bit.

"Sure."

We didn't even turn the lights off. We just passed out, and it was amazing because he was right there.

 

And he's still here. I keep staring at him, recalling the last night. Oh God, I wanna kiss that fucking face. Augh! He's just so--

"Good morning," he chuckles.

"Oh. Hey. Didn't know you were awake."

"Didn't know you were awake until I felt you breathing on my face."

I scowl a bit, giving his hair a tug. He just smirks and opens his eyes, rubbing them tiredly. "What time is it?"

With a glance at my watch I reply, "Nine."

"Hmm. Leftover Chinese for breakfast I'm guessing?"

"Either that or we can go on a second date out for breakfast."

"So soon? Really, Dave. So clingy." 

With a smirk, I run a hand back through his hair that's just as soft as it used to be, and I don't realize when I'm doing until it's too late. But it seems he doesn't mind. He only closes his eyes again, pulling the covers of my bed up under his chin. 

"It'll be my treat," I say. "We can bring Lily along. McDonalds or something. She can play in the ball pit or whatever."

"So she can play in the ball pit?"

"So I can play in the ball pit, big difference."

John giggles, then he actually nuzzles part of his face against my arm. Since his eyes are closed, I soak in the sight. I flinch when he speaks again, because I was lost in his face for a while. 

"Should probably go get her. Don't want my dad to suffer anymore."

"If you say so." 

John smiles practically the whole time we drive to his father's place. It's the same house John grew up in, the same house I spent countless days in after school playing video games with him and complaining as he tried to help me with my homework. On the way, I nudge John with a pamphlet I've had in the car. 

"What's this?" he asks.

"There's an art show downtown. They're featuring some of my stuff. If you want to come. Not forcing anything."

"No need to force! I'd love to go. Is this a suit type event?"

"Not suit. But nice I guess. Lily can come if she keeps her hands off the paintings."

"No promises," he kids. 

When we reach the house, I really want to stay in the car, but John is waiting for me or something. I check to make sure my shades are on before following him and staying a few feet behind him for safety as he knocks on the door. Old man Egbert looks pretty good for his age when he opens it though. 

"Morning," he says with a teasing smile, and I see him glance at me once. Ugh...

"Good morning, Dad. Was she a handful?" 

"Yeah, but so am I, so we got along. And is the famous Dave Strider with you?" 

I put on a polite smile, stepping forward to hold my hand out, but shit I'm nervous. I feel like a teenager again, walking into the whole meet the parents phase. "Good to see you again, Mr. Egbert. Time's been good to you."

"Ah, already trying to get on the dad's good side?" He smiles and gives me a very firm handshake, and shit, I feel intimidated. 

"Depends if it worked or not."

"I'm getting old, of course it works." 

After my nervous chuckle, he goes back to talking with John, and thank God. My coolkid face totally just melted faster than global warming killing the ice caps. Also, another savior comes along when Lily bounds outside, giving me a reason to ditch the two dadberts. 

Lily and I wait in the car, and my hands are nervously tapping at the steering wheel. 

Lily is quiet behind me. For a long time. Then she says very quietly, almost menacingly, "Enjoy your daaaate?" 

When I glance in the review mirror I see her wiggling her eyebrows up and down, once again making me think of Rose. 

"Yes," I reply. "It was quite wonderful."

"Did you kiss my Daddy?"

"Maybe. But you don't need to know about that."

"I'm the daughter!"

"And you're also six."

"Almost seven!"

"So I've heard."

John comes in the car then, smiling and greeting Lily. Before he can get a good word in she yells, "Daddy, did Mr. Strider kiss you?"

He blushes noticeably, but you don't think he knows he is. "That's none of your business, missy. You want McDonalds for breakfast?" 

"Yeaaaaah!"

I laugh as I put the car in drive, shaking my head. "That's one way to distract her."

"Every time." 

 

When I drop John off at his own small house after our McDonalds trip, he gives me this little head tilt, and I know he wants me to either come in or at least walk him to the door. Not that I mind. I don't really want to say goodbye yet either. 

After John unlocks the door, Lily bouncing beside him, he gives the small girl a nudge. "You didn't bring you overnight stuff to Grandpa's last night, so go brush your teeth right now."

"Okay!" She doesn't move though. Just swings her hips in the doorway, watching the two of us. 

"Lily," he says, voice much more stern, and hell, even I'd brush my teeth listening to that dad tone he's learned. 

It affects her the same way. "Bluh! See you tomorrow, Strider!" she yells as she takes off for the bathroom.

"See ya, squirt."

Once she's gone, John turns to face me with a laughing smile. "She's really not good at brushing her teeth unless I'm there. Otherwise she cheats and only brushes the front of her teeth, then swallows the toothpaste." 

"Better be quick, huh?" I lean in close to him, close enough to where his breath can now be felt on my skin, and it's my silent way of asking for permission. He doesn't pull back, only tilts his head, so I close the distance between us and close my lips on his. 

I watch his eyes close before I do the same with my own. I don't know if this is supposed to be a short goodbye kiss or what, but I savor it and hold it. When I move to steal a few more from him, he returns each of them, and I feel his fingers lightly touching my jaw. 

I hear the door for his bathroom open, and we both gently part, smiling at each other, and God, it's cheesy. 

"I'll call you," I say. 

"'Kay. Bye, Dave." 

"See ya, Egbert."

When I leave and get back to my studio, I spend a lot of time looking at that giant painting John and I made together. God, it's bullshit, but I've never had more fun.


	7. Chapter 7

I feel out of place in the exhibit, and I can tell Lily does too, because she's being very quiet and only holding my hand. She doesn't own many dresses, but she's wearing her favorite red skirt with a The Amazing Spider-Man shirt. It was the only way she'd come in any clothes at all.

I should have gotten her one of those leashes. She tries to touch every painting we pass, and I turn my back for five seconds and she's trying to climb a sculpture like a jungle gym. We both agree that I just carry her around on my hip. She's out of trouble, and she gets to be up high.

At one point, she starts pulling on my grip again when she becomes too heavy and I have to set her on the floor again. Distracted by a painting of Texas rooftops that Dave had done, she slips from my hand and is lost in the crowd.

But only fifteen seconds after a few frantic circle turns, I see a spiffy looking Dave approaching me with an excited Lily in his arms. Being in such a high class public place like this, I'm not sure he wants to give any sign we're together-together, but when he hands Lily back to me I smile at the feel of him leaving a chaste kiss against my head.

"Rascal, isn't she?" he says.

"Yes, quite."

"I wasn't sure if you were going to come. This means a lot."

Holy shit, why am I blushing? All he did was thank me! I'm hopeless. I just keep my polite smile on, shushing Lily once as she loudly complains that she was only here for the cupcakes.

"Of course I was coming," I say. "I love your art. Especially this one. I even recognize it."

He looks at the painting with me of the sunset over the Texas rooftops. "What was it, sophomore year?"

"Yeah. You brought me to Texas with you for Spring Break."

"Oh, yeah. Holy shit, all you did was complain about how hot it was," he laughs.

"Strider swore!" Lily yells.

"You're right, I'm sorry," Dave apologizes.

"You should be," I scold. "But seriously, it was hot! I don't know how you could stand living there for so long before you moved."

"Purebred Texan," he says simply, letting that drawl drag out.

I chuckled, but I seriously love that accent of his. A lot.

Dave takes Lily and I on a tour of the new museum exhibit where his own art is on display. I feel like I'm being too cheesy sometimes, but I can't stop telling him how amazing his art is or how proud I am.

Eventually, Lily gets her precious cupcakes. The second I put her down on her own two feet, she's off like a racehorse from the starting gate. I stay back with Dave, sitting on a bench to keep an eye on her.

"I feel like my dad's genes skipped a generation and now she's obsessed with sugars and sweets," I say.

Dave nods, completely believing that. "No kidding. Hey, what are you doing after this?"

"Oh, I don't know. Probably head home, watch a movie with Lily and head to bed."

"We could all go see a movie. Just an idea. Lily can chose the movie and I'll pay."

"Why do you get to pay again? You paid for the Chinese food. And McDonalds."

"I don't know, I have the money after these people bought my art. And I'd rather spend it on you than anyone else."

"When do I get to pay for a date?"

"Never."

I'm about to laugh, but then I just fidget quietly for a bit. Then I ask, "Did you look at Lily's records at school or something?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't bullshit me."

I look over at him, and he sighs. Being so close, I can see his eyes averting my gaze under those shades. It takes a while, but I refuse to speak up, so he finally has to, starting out, "I glanced, yes."

"Glanced?"

"I looked, okay? I saw that she was getting the discount on school fees because of your income."

"You can say it, Dave. We're poor."

"Fine, John. You're poor and barely creeping by, and I like you a lot, and I just want to help. If I have the money I need with a little extra, I want to spend it on you more than anything. Not just because you're poor. It's my choice, and it makes me happy. Is that a crime?"

I feel warm suddenly. I look over at Lily who's talking to some stranger she doesn't know, telling him she's best friends with the artist here while speaking through a wad of frosting in her mouth. I smile and forgot about the public place we we're in, sliding my hand over his on the bench.

"No. It's not. I'm sorry. I just feel really weak, or kind of a failure that I can't give her more. That other people have to give it to her."

"John, you're an amazing father. I can't even list all the great things I've seen out of you, there's too many. You care so much about her, and it shows. You're giving her everything she needs. Trust me."

I smile more, and I really want to kiss him. But maybe later. During that movie.

"Thank you."

"Of course. Not to ruin the moment, but Lily has a cupcake on her forehead."

"Ugh... Lily, get over here!"

 

I've presented almost a hundred plays now, but I'm nervous during every showing. Lily usually comes with me when I'm working when she doesn't have school, but my current play is a little too mature for her to come.

Dave gladly volunteered to babysit her during my five-day showings. We had gotten into another mini argument when he refused to take any pay from me. It took me a while to realize how much it meant to him just to help. So I finally gave in.

I'm sitting backstage, watching the last scene unfold before me. I'm truly so proud of my actors, they're doing an amazing job. They hit every main part we practiced on, and the crowd goes crazy when the final light dims. Usually only the actors go out all together to bow, but as they rush past me to get on stage, two of the younger kids grab my hand and drag me out with them.

Oh well. I go out anyway, accept the applause, and bow with my crew. It's times like these where I know I should really appreciate my job, no matter the income. It makes me happy, and that's what matters.

I stay only half an hour for the after show get-together. It's already ten at night, and all I really want to do is get home and spend some time with Dave before he goes home. It's been two weeks since our first date, and we haven't had another big date, but lots of small ones and extra time together. Personally, I couldn't ask for more. I love them, and can't wait to see him once again.

When I get home, I unlock the door instead of knocking, just in case Lily is sleeping. The living room is dark, and the kitchen is empty. I check Lily's room, and stop, smiling at the sight.

Dave is lying sprawled out on her small bed, Lily lying on top of him with her head on his chest. They're both snoring a little, drool coming from both mouths, and all I can think is, My kids...

I take a picture of them with my cell phone before anything else, then approach slowly and lightly tap Dave's face.

"Dave. Wake up," I whisper.

He opens his eyes, and I smile as my gaze meets his crimson color. He smiles tiredly, rubbing one of his eyes. "Hey. Have fun?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Heh, yeah. She missed you though. This is the only way I could get her to sleep."

"Next time be assertive."

"Yes, Dad."

I roll my eyes and then help him get the sleeping girl off his chest. She shifts a little, whining in her sleep, but we get her off of her Dave bed and into her own bed. Dave stands behind me, but I forget he's there as I tuck Lily's blanket up to her neck and leave a soft kiss on her forehead.

"They're most innocent when they're sleeping," he says.

"And then they wake up and become little monsters." I grin as I turn off the lamp by the bed, leaving the room with Dave and offering him a drink.

"I've got an hour to kill," he says, following me to the kitchen.

With both of us having to work the next day, we drink from Lily's Clifford the Big Red Dog juice boxes instead of manly beers. I sit up on the counter, smiling as Dave struggles with his straw.

"Was she good?" I ask.

"Oh yeah. She showed me some of the songs you taught her on piano. Played some Pac-Man. Then we played doctor."

"Fun. Who was the patient?"

"Sadly, me. And apparently my blood pressure is fruity."

"What?" I laugh, trying not to snort on my juice.

"That's just what little Dr. Squirt told me."

"Well, I hope your blood pressure gets better. Don't want it being too... fruity."

He chuckles, finally getting his damn straw in his juice. A few boxers later and an hour of pointless, fun chatting, Dave tiredly mutters that he should be getting home.

I slide off the counter and stand before him, nervously holding my hands in the bottom of his shirt. "You don't have to."

He's silent only for a few seconds. "There's school tomorrow."

"Stay the night," I whisper, leaning my body against him since he's leaning back on the counter edge.

I see him look down at my lips and then back in my eyes. He doesn't even have to think about it. My current position is just a bit distracting. "'Kay," he finally replies in a breath of a voice.

I push up on my toes and meet his lips. Every time we kiss, it feels more and more natural. His hands lightly hold my jaw while I lay just one of mine on his neck, tilting my head to press in for deeper kisses, eventually feeling his tongue flit out against my lip. 

Sensing the difference in tempo, I slip my arms up around his neck, keeping my lips parted to let his tongue in. All of the romance shit I once forgot about is returning to the surface, so this time I'm not wondering if I'm doing this right. I know I am. Because he's in love with it. 

I don't know who does the stupid move first, but one of us shifts our hips, and that causes sweet, sweet friction that neither of us want to stop after that. His hands move to grip my hips while my arms stay around him, moving us together while our lips stay locked. God, he's just so--

"Daddy?" 

I jump back a whole foot, wiping my lips. Dave's trying not to burst out laughing as I turn, watching as Lily shuffles in from the hall. Thank God she didn't catch any of that. 

"You're home," she says tiredly with a smile. 

I'm really trying to hide my soft panting at the moment and quell the heat that's pooled in my lower stomach. "Yeah. Honey, go back to bed. I'll tuck you in soon. Give me a moment, okay?" 

"Can you come tuck me in now?"

"In a minute. Go on, hon."

She makes a small wave before shuffling off again. When I know she's gone, I sigh and drop my head on Dave's shoulder. "Shit."

"That was great," he quietly chortles. 

"Dude, shut up." I smile anyway, lifting my head, and he immediately steals a kiss. I press into it before he can pull back, deepening it a bit before parting. I really can't get enough of him right now. 

"I can still stay the night?" he asks. 

"Of course."

"Am I being thrown to the couch? Or am I getting full John cuddle access here?"

I know I'm blushing, but oh well. "All night long," I promise. "But I call little spoon."

"Aw, fuck you."

"Not yet." 

 

In the morning, I'm woken up by the sound of Dave's watch alarm going off. He doesn't get out of my bed though. He cuddles closer to me from behind, nuzzling the back of my head while he still thinks I'm sleeping. 

Ten minutes later, his watch goes off again. Slowly, he slides out from holding me and gets out of bed. I hear him use my bathroom, and before I get up to get Lily ready for school, I hear that Dave's already doing that. 

I don't go back to sleep right away. I lie there and relax, because really, I don't get to do that often anymore. I heard Dave and Lily talking in the kitchen, and she instructs him on how to make her lunch "the way Daddy does it." 

At one point she asks where I am.

"Let Daddy sleep," is all he replies. "He deserves it." 

After a while, I hear Dave come back in my room, and he closes the curtains on the windows to keep the area nice and dark. He leans over me, brushing some hair from my face. "You awake?"

"A little..." I mumble.

"Go back to sleep. I'll take Lily to school." 

I open my eyes, and I smile. It's a nice view to really wake up to. "Thank you so much..." 

"You deserve it. I'll call you soon, okay?"

"Okay." 

I close my eyes again, so ready to sleep. Dave stays for a little while, playing with my hair. He's different than usual in the mornings now that I've given him cuddle access (not to mention make out access), and I like it. I wish he would crawl back into bed with me and just hold me all day. 

Lily eventually yells from the kitchen that she's going to be late. Dave kisses my forehead goodbye, then seems to think that isn't enough and pecks my lips next. "Bye, John."

I move my fingers in a tiny wave just to let him know I heard him. I listen to him grab his keys and talk with a very chatty Lily on his way to the door. I heard the door close, hear his car start, and hear it leave. 

And then I'm alone in a dark room with four more hours to waste. So far, one of the best things Dave's given me so far is sleep. I've never been more thankful.


	8. Chapter 8

When I finish my work, I like to watch Lily draw. I don't think she's aware of it, but she has her own quirks and techniques when she makes these patterns on my white board. Hell, I've been using them occasionally in my own artwork. 

When she's about half done I speak up and ask her, "Why don't you play with the other kids at recess?" 

She makes another circle on the board. "I 'unno."

"Don't you want to play tetherball? Or go down the slides, or whatever it is little kids do in elementary school recess?" 

She shrugs. "No."

"You just want to draw?"

"I just want to draw." 

"You're going to dry my markers out eventually."

"I'll buy you new ones."

"Do you have money?"

She pauses. Then: "Daddy will buy you new ones."

I laugh, setting my feet up on top of my desk. "Be nice with your dad's money."

"I know," she says more sadly. 

"What's wrong?"

"I don't mind. But it makes him sad."

"What makes him sad?"

"He can't give me a birthday party. We don't have money. I don't mind! I just want cake and presents. Not a lot of presents! Just one or too. Like a big bucket of crayons. Or markers. And big paper. The really big kind that unrolls across the floor." 

"I have a feeling you'll get some good stuff. Lily, you know your dad loves you very much, right?"

"Right!" She turns, almost offended that I would ask such a thing. "I know he does. It's not his fault! It's hard without Mommy." 

"I know." 

This seems enough, and she turns back to the board to keep drawing. I watch her for a while longer, smiling though. She's not like other kids, and it's probably because of the fact that her parents are some of the most amazing people I've ever known. 

"Strider?" she asks more quietly. 

"Yes, Lily?"

"Sometimes..." 

"Sometimes what? It can be our secret." 

"Sometimes I think I killed my mommy." 

I sigh slowly at that, shaking my head. "No, dear. Don't ever think that." 

"Last night, Daddy told me all about her. He said she was bleeding too much. So she died." 

"Yeah. That wasn't your fault, though. It wasn't anyone's fault. It was just bad luck." 

"Daddy loves me a lot. But do you think he was mad at me when I was born?"

"Lily, stop that. You should be happy you have him."

"I am. He's happier, too. He doesn't cry anymore."

I'm a bit more interested in that. "Did he used to cry?"

"Sometimes. At night in his room. I would hear him. But he doesn't do that anymore."

"When did he stop?"

"I 'unno. Weeks ago."

When I started dating him. I smile a little, even though the news of hearing about him having to always carry this heavy burden hurts, because I did something. I helped him without knowing it. 

When the bell rings, Lily jumps from her stool and quickly signs her name on her masterpiece like she always does now. "Bye, Strider!" she calls, bounding out of the room.

"See ya, squirt." 

After she's gone, I grab my camera from my drawer and situate myself in front of the board, snapping a picture of her creation. I now have twenty-something. I've been thinking about somehow morphing all of these pictures together in one big collage and giving it to John or something. 

When the school day finishes, I head home first. I've been working on a small painting for Lily's birthday seeing that it was coming soon. But as soon as I get a good portion done, I shoot John a text and ask if he's busy for the night. Surprisingly, he tells me that Lily's playing with the next door neighbor's kid, which gives me the perfect chance to sneak over. 

At John's place, I almost just walk in, but then I remember that I'm probably not at the "always welcome in" stage yet, so I knock instead. 

John looks... really nice when he answers. I don't know why. He's got some loose skinnies on and a bright blue fitting tee. I can't help but just smile. "Hey."

"Hi. So, uh, you want to watch a movie or something?" 

"None of the Con Air shit."

"Dude, I knew that was shit years ago."

"You finally realized it? I'm so proud of you, John. Really. This is a very nice moment for us."

"Oh, shut up. Because we're watching The Sorcerer's Apprentice."

"Ugh, Nic Cage? Really?"

"You're the one who came over!"

"I'll rethink next time." 

"Pft, you'd come over anyway."

"You got me."

With a smirk, he lets me inside. Since it's not too late, he pulls out some wine for us, and oddly, popcorn. Good combination. He pops the movie in and sits back on the couch beside me where I rest my arm around his shoulders.

"Lily told me you used to cry."

I don't know where that came from, but I said it. I just want to know why. I can't stand him hurting, much less crying, and even though Lily says he doesn't anymore, I can't help but still worry about him.

I glance at him, taking my shades off. He stares at the TV, a bit red. "Used to," he finally says.

"Why?"

"Sometimes it's hard. That's all."

"I get it. We all need to release stress sometimes. Why don't you cry anymore?"

"I've got you," he says very simply. 

I smile and pull him in closer, resting my head on his. When we were kids, I always used to fall asleep during his lame movies, but maybe it's my more mature brain now, because I stay awake the whole time with minimal mocking comments. 

Surprisingly, when the movie is just about over, John's the one that's dozing off. I nudge his side with a laugh. "Dude, you're missing Nic Cage. You used to rant at me all the time for that, so there's no way in hell I'm letting you out of it. Like I teach my students, no one likes a hypocrite." 

"Shut up," is the only chuckling reply I get. 

I turn his chin, our noses almost touching, close enough where I can only focus on one of his eyes, otherwise my vision of him will turn blurry. "What was that?" 

His breath hitches, eyes looking down, and then back up. "Shut me up?" he tries instead.

"That's better." 

I kiss him lightly, again and again. I know we don't have time to heat it up, so we just hold onto each other and press into deep kiss after deep kiss. His body feels so warm, and for some reason it's always been that way, so I really can't help it as my hands slip under the back of his shirt, rubbing against his skin. 

Just like before, Lily interrupts. This time, she catches us. 

"Whoa! Daddy! P. D. A." 

John pulls back, but he's doing that cute snorting laughter before he looks over at Lily in the doorway. She's standing like such a diva, one hand on her hip with her eyebrows raised. I'm surprised she even knows what PDA is. 

"It's not public," I say. 

"Public enough where myyyyy eyes are seeing it!" 

"You should have knocked."

"It's my house!" 

She's cute when she gets all fired up like this. "Fine, fine, how about I make it up to you with a trip to the park?"

"It's cold!"

"Fine. What do you want then?"

She thinks. Then she exclaims excitedly, "Hey! Daddy, can we go buy myself a costume? Halloween is coming soon!" 

"Now?"

"Halloween," she says more quietly. When neither of us show a proper reaction, she slowly adds in an, "Ooooooo... Scary." 

"Fine," John compromises. 

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" 

With my amazing help and expertise, Lily picks out the most badass samurai costume in Wal-Mart. 

 

A few days later, Lily's back in my room during recess, working on her next masterpiece on my board. Today, the main shapes are triangles. 

"Strider?"

I click at my computer screen, responding to teacher emails. "Hm?"

"Are you going to marry my Daddy?"

I choke on some of the Cola I had in my mouth, wiping my chin clean before I look over at Lily who's still drawing as if it was the most casual question in the world. Trying to hold back a few stutters I start out, "Well, uh, I don't really know. We've only been dating month." 

"Yeah, but you've known him since you were little, right?"

"Well, yeah, but things changed when we were apart."

"So you're not going to marry him?"

"I don't really know, Lily. We'll have to see how things go."

"Why did you leave him?" 

That one makes my chest pang a bit. "I wouldn't be the happy artist I am today if I didn't. I wouldn't be your teacher. And you might not exist if I stayed. But I'm back now, and that's what matters." 

She's silent after that, nodding in this understanding way like Rose used to do while analyzing someone. It brings a smile back to my face as I return to my computer screen, reading something about a Halloween party for the school. Seconds later, my cell phone goes off, and I at first think it's John trying to bother me at work again, just because he can. 

I flip the phone open with my thumb, pressing it to my ear and say, "Go for Strider," like a fucking idiot. 

"Dave Strider?" an unfamiliar voice asks.

"The one and only."

"This is Greg Jefferson from the State Art Museum upstate."

"Oh, hey. Before you go on, just want to say thank you again for taking in some of my stuff. Gives me a good imagine to have art in the state museum, ya know? Fangirls just swoonin' everywhere I go."

Lily is giggling at me, and I flash her a grin as this Jefferson continues, "Yes, well, I called to inform you that the company president is removing your artwork from our exhibit. It will be shipped safely back to your resident, and you don't have to return the money paid to you previously." 

I furrow my brows in confusion, sitting back in my chair. "What? Is there new work coming in or something?"

"Ah, no, we just think it would be... more beneficial to the whole museum's business if... we had, uh..."

"Well spit it out."

"More pure artists' work." 

"Pure? What, like I have to believe in God to have my stuff hung up?"

"No, not religiously, more like..." 

I actually laugh, because holy fucking shit, I know what he means. I sigh, and that's exactly what I tell him: 

"Holy fucking shit. Really? Because I like dudes? That's giving you a bad image?"

"I'm just... relaying the message from my boss. Perhaps if you destroyed that image?"

"What, and just start dating a random chick so that I can have my artwork up in your discriminating museum? Even if I did change, I wouldn't let you hang it up again anyway. You can tell your boss to suck a fat one." 

When I hang up, I resist the urge to throw my phone at the wall. What the fuck kind of world do we live in? I was used to very minimal rude comments back in college, but really? Taking my art down? Just... God damn it. 

When I look up, I remember that Lily is in the room with me. She's frozen, scared by my angry speech, and probably my bad language, and shit, I feel even worse now. 

"Lily, I'm sorry. It's just that that man was being very rude. And I should have watched my language, I know. Don't worry. I'm sorry." 

She calms down instantly at this, glistening eyes drying. "Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, I guess. Some people at a museum are getting rid of my art."

"Why? You're art is amazing."

"Thank you. But they don't like that I only like boys. They think it's wrong."

"Why?"

"Lots of people don't like it when people date someone of the same gender."

"Lots of people are mean then, because I think you're wonderful."

I smile at her. "That means a lot, Lily. Thank you. But the bells about to ring, so why don't you sign that beautiful picture and run off to class, all right? And then I'll see you tomorrow, and we'll do a fun Halloween project for class."

"Okay!" After signing her name, she runs around the desk to quickly give me a hug. "It's going to be okay, Strider," she says, kissing my cheek. Then she runs off, Toothless the dragon on her backpack being the last thing I see of her. 

When I'm alone, I collapse on my desk, running my hands back through my hair.

"Shit..."

 

It only gets worse. Much worse. I can handle art rejects, but at the end of the school day, everything shatters. 

The principal meets with me in my classroom after the final bell. Someone's parents saw John and I shopping with Lily the other day. They saw us kiss. Saw us hold hands. I'm not fit to teach their children, and with spreading news, several of the other parents agree. There's too many calls coming in. 

I've been fired before. But this one hurts so much. I love those kids, even though they're messy and bratty and loud. I love them, and I love teaching them, and I love their witty comments on everything, and I love making them laugh. 

He tells me he's sorry, but it's not his choice, and that he thinks I'm an excellent teacher, and one of the best they've ever had. I numbly shake his hand, because I don't blame him. 

I clean up what I can in the room, planning to come back with boxes later to clean the rest. I feel sick inside. This isn't fair. 

While I'm unpinning a poster of one of my favorite artists, Chuck Close, my cell phone goes off again. I don't even look at the caller ID.

"What?" I practically snap.

"Dave? You all right?" 

It's John. I sigh and lean against the wall, clutching the phone tightly. I won't cry, because I don't cry over shit like this, but my chest does hurt a lot, and nothing is fair, and I love John's voice, and nothing is making sense right now, I can't think, I just want to fucking be with him.

"No," I say. "It's not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the real world.


	9. Chapter 9

Dave only tells me he had a long day. That’s all. But I can’t blame him with those crazy kids annoying him all day.

When I pick up Lily the next day, she does not look happy when she jumps in the car with me. I look up in the rearview mirror, looking at her as she crosses her arms with a pout and stares out the window.

“Uh. Hey, darling.”

She just furrows her brows in deeper.

“What’s wrong?”

“Strider.”

“What the heck did he do?”

“He wasn’t there.”

“Maybe he’s sick?”

“No. We have a new teacher.”

“That was a substitute.”

“No. It wasn’t. It was a new teacher. Strider got fired.”

I turned around in my seat, looking at her in more of shock now. “What?”

“Strider got fired. And the new teacher is a butt. She got mad at me for drawing outside of the lines, but I wanted to make the picture look like it was shining and stuff. And she didn’t let me draw on the board during recess! I don’t like her.”

I face forward again in disbelief. Dave fired? Why? He was weird, and eight years ago I never would have let a child near him, but he’s different now. The way he interacts with Lily just makes me smile, and I trust him more than anything. The passion he shows for his art, and the effort he puts in to showing that to his students…

Before I’m aware of it, I start driving downtown to his studio rather than home. It’s not like I don’t believe Lily, I just need to see him now.

When I pull up in front of the building, I bring Lily with me. No way I’m leaving her in the car downtown. She holds my hand as I approach the big metal door, knocking quite loudly, because I know he likes to play his music a lot louder when he’s working.

 

I hear the music shut off inside. Ten second later, ten long seconds, the door opens, and Dave is full of paint. He takes his shades off when he sees it’s just me, and ignores the way Lily gasps lightly at his eyes.

“Why didn't you tell me?” I ask.

He sighs and shifts, rubbing his forehead with the back of his wrist. “I needed time. I could have handled getting my ass kicked out at BK or something, but not that. I loved that job.”

I don’t correct him on his bad language in front of Lily, because I know he’s hurting. But I don’t know what to say, either, so that just leaves more silence.

“Come in?” he asks, stepping back.

I nod and walk by him, Lily immediately running off to look at all the cool things in Dave’s studio. I follow Dave over to his sinks so that he can clean up his paint-splattered skin. While the water is running, I lean against the wall and just look at him. I can tell he’s hurt, and that hurts me.

I watch him dry off and shed his painting shirt, and I know it’s a bad time to be thinking about how good he looks, but hey, I’m human. And a male. After he pulls on a clean shirt, he approaches me again, and I meet his eyes.

“You okay?” I ask.

He leans against the wall by my side, facing me, and trying to get close enough to where Lily doesn’t have to hear us talking. “Yeah,” he says softly. “I mean, I’ll get over it. Just going through a moping phase here.”

“Why did it happen?”

“Well…” He sighs once again, scratching the back of his head. “They don’t like that I like you.”

“Like me how?”

“Romantically?”

“Because I’m a parent to one of your students?”

“Because you’re a male.”

I falter, shifting myself now. “That’s not fair.”

“That’s life.” He leans in to kiss me, to reassure me that it’s okay, but I move back to avoid him. He pauses and then asks, “What’s wrong?”

“You can’t lose your job over me.”

“It’s fine, I’m still making money off my art.”

“No, Dave. You love teaching.”

“I’ll find another job when the school year is over.”

“That’s another seven or eight months.”

“I still have a good amount of money. It’s fine.”

“Tell them you’re not dating me.”

“And lie?”

My voice gives out for a second. Then I say, “No.”

“What are you trying to say here, John?”

“You… You should get your job back. Tell them it was a misunderstanding. That we’re not together.”

“But we are.”

I shake my head, and I can feel my eyes glistening. I can’t let this ruin his job. His future. It didn’t work out eight years ago, and I was stupid to think it could work out now. I’m doomed for heartbreak anyway, and it’s been written in more than the stars.

“John, you can’t be serious,” he sighs, standing straight from the wall now. “I care more about you than that job.”

“A lot of kids are worth more than just me. They adore you, Dave. And if ending this will get that back, then so be it.”

“Just stop it now.”

“No.”

“John—”

“No, I’m not a stupid, dorky kid anymore. I might have used to get picked on and needed you around to protect me, but I’m an adult now, Dave. A lot has changed. I don’t need you to tell me what to do.”

He leans in close, speaking quietly but harshly so that Lily doesn’t hear. “I don’t need you fucking telling me what’s important to me. Only I know that.”

“And your job is important.”

“You’re worth more.”

I can’t look in those red irises anymore. “I’m sorry.” I rub my eyes that feel wet, then turn and call for Lily to come. She bounds over after knocking over a can of paintbrushes, holding my hand.

“Bye, Strider!” she calls, having no idea what just happened.

“See ya, squirt,” he replies in nothing more than a whisper.

 

About a week later, Lily is still grumpy about her new art teacher. I’m confused as to why Dave hasn’t gotten his job back now that I’ve broken up with him, but maybe he’s purposely not trying. To prove that point he’s been trying to make out to me.

Lily and I watch her favorite movie that night, How To Train Your Dragon, but I don’t think she’s watching. I reach over to ruffle her hair once. “What’s wrong with you?”

“You broke up with Strider, didn’t you?”

I avert my gaze for only a second. I knew she’d figure it out on her own. She’s good at that. A mini Rose.

“Yeah. I wanted to help him get his job back.”

“Well he didn’t get it!” she yells.

“Lily, lower your voice.”

“No! You cried again last night.”

I was sure to be quieter this time now that I knew she could hear me. Maybe she was specifically listening for it because she’s that worried about me. Either way, it’s the last thing I want her to hear out of me.

“Everyone cries over breakups,” I say softly.

“Then you shouldn’t have broken up!”

“It was for the better, honey.” It wasn’t, holy fuck, I miss him.

“I want a family,” she whispers.

“Hon, we are a family.”

She looks like she’s going to cry, and now I feel like I’m going to cry. I force a hard swallow down as she says, “I want you happy.”

“I am happy,” I assure her.

“I want you to be happy like when Mommy was here.”

“You weren’t around for that…”

“You smile in the pictures with her. You smile in the pictures like you do when Strider comes over. I want you to be happy. I want a family.”

“We’ll talk later.”

Already starting to cry, she storms off to her room. I know she’s being a bit more dramatic because she’s six, but most of the pain there was real. I turn the TV on to the news instead, then lie down on my side, and I’m positive to muffle my crying this time.

Lily must fall asleep for a few hours, because she later comes back out with her long purple quilt that Rose knitted for her six years ago dragging behind her. She crawls up on the couch and lies down next to me, making sure we share the blanket.

“It’ll be okay,” she whispers, petting my hair while she thinks I’m sleeping. “I’ll take care of you, Daddy.”

I’m supposed to take care of her. Not the other way around.

Maybe, just for tonight, I’ll let her. So I wrap my arms around her and pull her in close, drifting off to sleep with both my Lily and my Rose to keep me warm.

 

The next day, I decide to be selfish. Fuck Dave’s job, I miss him, and I will not lose him like I did back in high school. Not again.

Lily is sitting across from me at the kitchen table, eating pizza bites and watching me as I hold my phone to my ear, waiting for Dave to pick up. When too many rings go by, she whines and asks me what’s taking so long, so I have to shush her.

By the tenth ring, I hang up. “He must be busy.”

“Try again!”

“Later. Eat.”

“When is later?”

“Not now.”

“It’s not now right now.”

I chuckle and ruffle her hair as I get up. “Soon, I promise.”

“How about now?”

“I’m going to kick your butt, Lily.”

That threat only distracts her from dinner and initiates a ten-minute tickling war on the kitchen floor. Which I win of course.

 

Dave doesn’t pick up again later, so I decide to try tomorrow on the weekend. It qualifies as the weekend now since it’s two in the morning and I’m being woken up by a knock at the front door. I’m not one for trusting 2 A.M. knockers thought.

Just like my dad used to, I keep a pistol in the bedside drawer. For safety. It’s my house, and it’s my daughter in the house, and I’m going to damn well defend it. I don’t do anything with the gun, but I just keep it in my hand as I approach the door and barely move the curtains nearby to peek and check.

It’s Dave. But he doesn’t look good.

I leave the gun on the coffee table, unlocking the deadbolt and then the doorknob lock before clearing the separator between Dave and I.

I freeze at the sight of him. His hair is a mess, shades hanging on his both dirty and slightly ripped shirt, and there’s blood streaking his face. I just stare at him with wide eyes with a loss for words. He falters and hugs himself lightly.

“I…”

"What the actual fuck, Dave?" I hiss.

"I... got in a fight."

"What, in a fucking boxing ring?"

"No, uh. A, um, a bar."

My eyes sting. He looks away, a drop of blood falling from his split lip. When I don't reply he tries to continue, "I didn't want to... drive home. Like this."

His words slur a little. I can smell the alcohol on him. Behind me, I hear that little voice ask, "Daddy? What's going on?"

I turn, not wanting her to see Dave like this. "Lily, go back to bed. Now."

"But--"

"NOW, Lily."

I didn't want to raise my voice, but it makes her obey. When I hear her bedroom door close, I gulp and take Dave's arm, tugging him inside. "Come on..."

He follows wordlessly, stumbling once or twice as I lead him to the bathroom. I work in silence, and I think he knows that I don't want him to talk right now. He just listens without question as I make him sit on the tub edge and remove his shirt that's slightly stained with blood. I wet a washcloth and kneel between his legs, gently trying to clean his face.

"John, I--"

"Shut up," I whisper. I don't want to hear it. None of it. I'm mad at him, and I know I'll forgive him if he speaks.

So he does shut up. I clean up some gashes on his temple, probably from his opponent's rings or something, and do my best to stick some small bandages on.

"You're so fucking stupid," I mutter. "There's a child here, remember?"

"I'm sorry."

I slowly wipe his face one more time, then bite my lip from the pain in my chest as I cup his cheek. "I'm so fucking mad at you."

"I know."

We're both silent after that. I just stare in his eyes and around his face, moving to just brush my knuckles along the cool, smooth skin of his cheek. I may be angry, but I'm also so fucking in love with him. And that's what makes this so hard.

"I'm sorry," I mutter.

"You didn't do anything..."

"I didn't listen."

He doesn't touch me and he doesn't speak. He's scared he'll anger me. Or say something wrong.

"I'll get you some clothes. Take a shower, okay? I'll leave them on the counter."

He nods quietly and I leave him, closing the door. When I look around my room for some old sweatpants for him to wear, along with a shirt, I hear Lily's voice behind me once again.

"Why is Strider here?"

I turn around, fidgeting slightly. "He got hurt, honey. So I'm just taking care of him."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"Yeah. He'll be fine."

"Is he going to stay?"

"No."

"Why not? He needs help."

I gulp, slowly folding the clothes I found. "He'll be fine. I'm taking him home."

"Family helps each other."

That makes me pause. I turn my gaze over to her, and my chest hurts all over again. I once thought I'd go crazy without Rose, but the small version of her is looking at me right now. “Don’t be an idiot, John,” she would say. 

“Okay. He’s going to stay. Just go back to bed.” 

She crawls across my bed, standing up so that she can be my height, then hugs me tightly around the neck. I find a smile crawl onto my face as I hug her back, picking her up in my arms as I carry her back to her own bedroom. 

After lying her down and tucking her in she whispers, “Is everything going to be okay?”

“Yeah. I promise.” 

I kiss her forehead and close her bedroom door. I sneak into the bathroom after, hearing the shower running and resting the clothes I found for Dave on the counter, leaving as quickly as possible to wait in my own room. 

The room is dark except for my lamp casting a dull light. Send Me On My Way is playing very softly on my radio. About ten minutes later, the door opens and Dave is only standing there in the gray shirt and sweatpants I gave him, unsure if he’s allowed in or allowed to even speak. 

“Come here,” I mutter. 

He closes the door quietly behind him, getting onto my bed with me. He lies back against the pillows that are propped up on the headboard, and I just stare at his face, studying the bruises that are starting to swell up. Without any warning, I slide in against his side, fitting close and resting my arm around his middle. 

His cheek rests in my hair, arm around my shoulders. We’re both silent, and that song on my radio ends. 

“Did you try to get your job back?” I whisper. 

“Too late now. Next semester I can though.” 

“Good. And will you?” 

“Yeah. Talked to the principal. His exact words were, ‘They already paid us, they get what fucking teachers we give them.’” 

I smile lightly, nuzzling closer. “What happened?”

“Just… went out for a drink. Ran into an old foe. Shit went down. I had already… drank quite a bit. Your place was closer than mine, and I knew I’d never hear the end of it if you found out I drove drunk.” He sighs deeply, and I feel his hand card up through my hair. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” 

The song on the radio was on repeat because my Ipod was plugged into it, so it plays again, calming both Dave and I down, lulling at least me to sleep. I was ready to try again, because that’s all I ever did with him, a repetition of beautiful feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DROPPED THE TITLE.


	10. Chapter 10

After John forgives me and takes me back, I spend a lot more time at his place than I should. I babysit Lily when he works so that he doesn't have to pay for one, although it took quite a long time to convince him that I wanted to do it for free.

I eat dinner there. We play video games together, but John and I usually let Lily beat us. If she gloats too much, I usually tackle her in tickle fights. Sometimes when John works, Lily comes to my studio and I let her use the old whiteboard in there for drawing like she used to in school. I like having late movie nights with them. I like being a sap and cuddling with John in his bed after Lily goes to sleep.

If we're not too tired, we stay up and talk. If we know Lily has fallen asleep, sometimes my lips lock onto his for more minutes than we can count.

Bro was always my only family when I was younger. But I've found that molding myself into the Egbert family isn't all too bad either.

 

Said Egbert calls me a few weeks after my fight incident. When I work on too many art projects in one day, I get a lot of free time, so I'm lounging on my mattress with kids shows playing in the background on the TV when my cell goes off.

"Strider residence," I greet to the speaker.

"It's hardly a residence," John laughs.

"It's as residence-y as I need it. Food, bed, art."

"You're an idiot."

"That's why I go out with you. Now why does thou beckon me on such a lovely day?"

“Well, Lily is at my dad’s for the night and most of tomorrow. Was wondering if you wanted to get together.”

My stomach lurches with excitement, but of course I play it cool. “Sounds good. You want to come over?”

“Sure! I’ll, uh, be there soon.”

“Great. See ya, Egbert.”

I hang up and toss my phone aside, sighing and relaxing on my mattress again. Then I smell something. It’s me. So I jump up and shower as fast as I can before John shows up. Jeez, since when did I care so much about what he thinks of me? It never mattered to me before with anyone else.

Probably when I realized I’m secretly head over heels in love with him.

John shows up when I’m still getting dressed. He comes over often enough that he enters without knocking and yells through the studio, “I’m here to rob you!”

“Because I know how much robbers love art,” I call back, stepping out of the bathroom with my shirt still in my hand.

John turns around, having been looking at an old sculpture I made. “Hi! Couldn’t put any clothes on before I showed up?”

“Dude, it’s a casual day, you’re lucky I’m even wearing undies.”

“Did you just say undies?”

I shrug and pull my shirt on over my head, then approach him to pull him in by his waist, not hesitating to plant a kiss on his lips. He makes a short noise of surprise, then completely relaxes into me, his hand resting on the back of my neck until I part lips.

“Miss me?” he asks with a smirk.

“I saw you last night.”

“Exactly.”

With a roll of my eyes I reply, “Sure, John. I missed you.”

“I knew it.”

“Live it up. So, you want to watch some shitty TV or something? I could teach you to finger paint.”

He laughs, looking around the studio a bit. “Show me the wheel.”

“The pottery wheel?”

“Yeah. Like in high school.”

“Dude, you never understood it in high school.”

“Hey, I’m smarter now!”

I raise an eyebrow. He play punches me in the arm. “Okay, okay,” I cave. “Put on one of my paint shirts, I’ll show you.”

He does as I say, and I pull on my clay apron, with the ironic kiss the potter sewn into it (Bro’s idea of a Christmas present). John is already sitting on the stool in front of the wheel, grinning excitedly. God, he’s cute, but I shake my head at him as I drag the large bucket of clay over along with the other tools.

After turning on the stereo like usual, I kick another stool behind John and sit down, pressing my chest into his back.

“Throw a slab down.”

He grabs a chunk of clay and throws it down, making a loud slapping sound.

“You didn’t have to actually throw it.”

“Just obeying the teacher.”

“You’re impossible. Use the sponge and wet it.”

He does, but he’s literally wiping the clay with the sponge. I sigh and reach around to grab his hand. “No, you derp. Just squeeze the sponge and get it wet. You’re not washing the clay.”

“Is this how you teach your own students?”

“They’re not as hopeless as you.”

“Rude!”

“Be quiet and listen or you’ll get a detention.”

“What is this, teacher-student roleplay time?”

“John, you barely let me grope you in the theater last weekend, I highly doubt you’d let me skip right to the roleplay sex.”

“Hey! It was a theater.”

“So if we were alone, you’d have let me make a crotch grab?”

I feel him stiffen. Then I start laughing.

“Just shut up and show me!”

“Okay, okay.” I’m still chuckling. “Turn on the wheel. There. Now use both hands and lean into it. You need to center it. Elbows on your knees. Hold tight.”

He leans in, and for a bit, he’s almost got it. But it always gets wobbly on him. I wet it for him again, then wrap my arms around him, hands on the back of his. “Lean in,” I say again, helping him push his hands on the clay to steady it.

“I did it,” he says happily.

“There’s a first.”

“Shut up. Show me how to raise it.”

“You have to widen it first.”

“How?”

“You can use your thumb or your fingers.”

He snorts.

“What?”

“I have to widen it with my thumb or fingers…”

“You’re fucking kidding me, John.”

“You were totally thinking the same thing!” he laughs.

“… Okay, yeah. Just… bluh.”

He giggles, so I just hold his hands again to make him shut up. I work in silence with him, and he eventually understands the way I’m guiding his hands so that he's doing it on his own while I occasionally mutter instructions in his ear. I show him how to squeeze the sides to start raising it. Soon enough, it’s starting to look like a cup.

“Hey,” I say, smiling. “It actually looks like something.”

“Ass,” he scoffs, but I can see the corner of his lips pulling back in a smile.

“What’d you call me?”

He turns his head, looking at me with a mischievous grin. “Nothing.”

“You want to try that again, you little turd?”

“Did you really just use the word turd?”

“Yeah, and I also used undies earlier. Thought you’d be used to this by now.”

“You’re such a dork,” he says more softly, glancing down and then back up.

“You would know.”

Scoffing lightly, I lean in and kiss him. He sucks in a slow breath through his nose as his eyes fall closed, mine soon following in suit. We part a few times, tilting our heads as much as we can in this back to chest position, pressing in for deeper and deeper kisses.

After a minute, John pulls back and mutters, “So, I was thinking…”

“Yeah?” I kiss his chin, trying to get him to kiss me again.

“Maybe you could help out me and the cast at the theater.”

I kiss his neck, lightly sucking there and letting out a, “Mm-hm” to let him know I’m still listening. Kind of.

His breath shudders for a second, the strength in his voice beginning to fail. “Maybe… w-we could help paint a… a, uh, a mural across the entrance. It’d help with business and stuff.”

I nuzzle up his neck, slowly licking across his lips before breathing there, “Sounds great…”

He breathes back against my lips, silent for a bit. Then he speaks softly, “Maybe we should clean up… I killed my pot.”

I chuckle softly, looking at the lumpy mound of clay that’s still spinning in circles on the wheel. I turn it off, leaving one more kiss on John’s lips before standing and leaving to clean my hands free of clay in the sink. When John finishes first, he turns to go clean up the mess he made on the wheel, but I quickly dry my hands off and then catch him by the waist.

“Where you going?”

“To, uh… clean up.”

I turn him around, pulling his hips in against mine. “It can wait.”

“But—”

“It can wait.”

“’Kay…”

I smile, holding his chin to kiss him again, letting go when he returns each one. He’s pressing close, his thin arms coming up and around my neck, lightly giving my hair that tug that I love. I take my time, wanting to do this right, then run my tongue across his teeth. He opens the entrance to his mouth for me, and I pull him in closer to let my tongue explore, met by his own.

I already fucked up once, and I don't want to do it again, so I move slowly before sliding my hand down over his bottom, and God, there really is no other word to call it except for ass, but that doesn't seem like the right word to use here--

"Dave..."

Oh shit, he liked it. Am I in the full access here? Whatever, just roll with it. I'm losing normal thinking capabilities anyway due to how hot my name sounded coming from his lips, and there's also the fact my lower stomach is churning warm. Oh yeah, and his crotch is rubbing into mine. Hallelujah.

My other hand slides up his back under his shirt, gliding over milky smooth skin. His jaw and lips must grow tired, so he parts from me, but that doesn't stop his hands. They run up under my own shirt, bunching it up to my collarbones, so I help him by easily peeling the article off with one fluid move. 

I’m actually surprised by John’s sudden burst of… feelings? His mouth latches onto the bottom on my neck, working its way down and taking pauses to suck on certain patches of skin. I try to hold in pants, gripping his hips. There’s that friction between us down below, and I’m trying to hold back, but the way he’s moving down my chest has me saying fuck it and grinding into him. 

John’s mouth stops its trek across my skin, pulling back to leave a connecting line of saliva, my one rut of the hips forcing him to let out a breathy groan. The way he puts a hand on my chest makes me stop though. 

“Sorry,” I mutter. 

“No.” He breathes a bit heavily, then grips my hair to plant a hungry kiss on my lips. Right after, he whispers against my skin, “Let’s just take it to the bed though…” 

Oh shit… 

 

In the early morning, when I dream the most, I dream about John. I see him with the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen. And not just his usual face, no. The one I made him express last night. 

The way his mouth dropped open when his back arched. The drawn out moans, along with the cut off cries of my name. The way his ocean eyes glimmered, or the way his nails dug into the bed sheets, or in my arms. 

I was scared to go all the way with him at first. He had once told me that he hadn’t been with another person since Rose. I didn’t want to rush him, and there was the fact that the only other person he had “been” with was a woman. 

Turns out, it wasn’t a horrible thing. He complied to bottoming, but he… I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t have minded him topping with the way he acted. Even when we were done, he had given me this lazy smile of bliss and said, “You’re bending over next time,” which had me laughing, even with how exhausted I was. 

Being honest, again, I’ve been with a few guys before moving back from New York. Not a lot. But a small amount. John is the best. Yeah, cliché, but he’s just… perfect. Maybe it’s because I had sex with someone I’m actually in love with? Oh God, and I know I am, too. I try to be cool and strong, but he makes me crazy. I can’t believe I ever left him and missed out on eight years of this. 

“Dave…” 

I suck in a breath, opening my eyes a little as I feel John’s body shift against me. “Hm.”

“Let’s just lie here all day.”

“Will or will not this all day laziness involve more sexy time?”

“Will not if you call it sexy time again.”

I chuckle softly, turning over on my side to open my eyes, met with his. He smiles, nuzzling my cheek, then giving me a few kisses. 

I wish it were easier to tell him. “John, I…” 

“Yeah?” He just keeps smiling softly at me, his fingertips drawing circles on my jaw and neck. 

“I… care about you. A lot.” 

His fingers curl in, laying in a loose fist against my neck. He kisses me lightly again, lips staying hovered over mine after. “Me too.” 

“Also…”

“Yeah…?”

“You’re a beast in bed.”

“Wow. ‘Guess we’ll have to do pottery more often, huh?”

“I don’t know if you’ve heard, but pottery is the sexiest thing there is.” 

He snorts, cuddling close into my neck. “Pretty sure it’s just the ‘sexy time,’ hotshot.”

“John. You wound me.” 

“Pretty sure you were the one who wounded me last night.”

“You always know the right thing to say.”

“Poetry just flies out of my mouth.”

“Either that or just complete bullshit.”

“Shut up and cuddle me.”

“Can do.”


	11. Chapter 11

Dave uses one of Lily’s patterns that she’s drawn on his board to make the mural for the State Theater.

It’s fun for everyone. Dave walks up and down the sidewalk, helping my cast members paint and follow his outline, and once or twice a few of the teenagers start a paint war. I laugh when Lily follows Dave around in this tall manner, wearing a matching painter’s hat to his and repeating his words in a boss-like tone.

When it’s half done, I see Lily up on Dave’s shoulders, painting part of the mural. I’m kind of dazed, just watching the smile on his face, the way his shoulders move when he laughs.

“John?”

I jump and look over at one of my cast members who’s giving me a funny look. She chuckles and steps over beside me, looking at Dave. “Ogling?”

“No!”

“I’m a teenager, Mr. Egbert. I know what star-struck eyes look like.”

“This isn’t a school, you know you can call me John.”

“But I know it bothers you when I call you Mr. Egbert.”

“Why’d I hire you again?”

“Because I pack more skills than Sandra Bullock. Now fess up, you two a thing?”

I sigh. It’s not a big deal if I tell her, right? It’s not like my cast would fire me as their director if I were dating another man. Besides, even a few of my members were dating a matching gender. I guess I’ve been on edge ever since Dave lost his job over it.

“Yeah,” I say. “We are.”

“Cuuuuuute. Lily seems to really like him.”

“Yes, she does.”

“And do you?”

“Well of course.”

“Do you love him?”

“Yes.” Whoa shit, where did that come from? Oh God, shut up, subconscious.

Young Becky only giggles beside me, resting her hands on the back of her head. “Calling you Mr. Strider would be more appropriate then, huh?"

"Wha--get back to work!"

Grinning big, she salutes and turns away. "Yes sir, Mr. Strider!"

I give the back of her head a light hit before she's gone. When I turn back to look at Dave, he's suddenly right in front of me. Lily is wearing his shades, still sitting up on his shoulders, allowing me to see Dave's eyes. He looks scared. He slowly lowers the phone he was holding by his ear.

"Are you okay...?" I ask carefully as I step closer.

"Um..." He puts the phone back in his pocket. "We have a problem."

"What is it?"

"He's coming."

"Who? You're worrying me here."

He gulps, looking too terrified to answer. Then Lily happily exclaims, "His brother is going to visit!"

 

I've met the famous Bro Strider before, back in high school when I always use to go to Dave's house. But we weren't dating back then. Which is probably why Dave is nervous.

Lily helps me cook dinner for when Dave and his brother come over. At the moment, he's picking up the older Strider at the airport.

When dinner is in the oven, I lean over the counter to watch Lily draw in her picture book.

"Do you think his brother will draw with me?" she asks, scribbling little triangle patterns across Ariel the mermaid's tail.

"Actually, yes. I think he will. If he doesn't break the crayons."

"Will they be here soon?"

"Probably fighting in the car."

"Why do they fight?"

"It's not really fighting. They're just... they're a weird couple of siblings, ya know?"

"Yeah!"

She goes back to drawing, so I go back to cooking. About twenty minutes later, I hear a knock on the door, but then it opens on its own since Dave is on the "just walk in" basis now.

"I brought an idiot," I hear him call out.

"So did I," calls another voice, probably Dave's brother.

"You want to go greet them while I clean up here?" I ask Lily.

She nods excitedly, putting her crayon down to run off into the living room. I clear the table of her drawing supplies, smirking when I hear Lily yell, "Wanna draw pictures with me?"

"Fuck yeah I want to draw pictures!"

"You have to put a dollar in the swear jar."

"How about we draw instead?"

"Okay!"

Lily runs back in, snatches her crayons and book from the counter, then disappears again. The other room is very quiet suddenly. Before I peek in to make sure no one had died, Dave slips through the door quietly, then smiles at me. "Hey."

"Well hey. Are the kids playing?"

"Yeah. Lily it telling him the story of The Little Mermaid and Bro is turning said mermaid into shitty comics in her coloring book. Apparently she's making him watch How To Train Your Dragon later."

"Not surprised. And everything is going fine, I don't know what you were so worried about."

He lets out a puff of air he's been holding in, pulling me against him as he leans back on the counter. "Wait until you've fueled him with food. It will be raging hell in this house."

"Awww, so whiney." He pouts, so I peck his lips. "Now let go, I need to get the pizza out of the oven."

"Pizza?" he perks up.

"I have two Striders over for dinner, what did you think I was going to make? I even made cake for desert. Chocolate ice cream cake."

Dave drops his head on my shoulder, squeezing me tightly. "You're amazing."

"I know, I know. You're not so bad yourself."

"Oh, that means a lot." He laughs a bit, kissing my neck and then up to my jaw and lips, where I happily return each one. I can tell he doesn't want to stop when his tongue slides over my teeth, so I press my hands to his chest and step back with a smirk. "Your brother is in the other room!" I scold in a harsh whisper.

"Yeah? He used to fuck broads in the other room when I was a kid, I think I can make out with you in the kitchen."

"Fuck broads? No wonder you used to be so tired at school. Now could you tell your brother not to swear around Lily?”

“He’s got a potty mouth as bad as a roadside restroom, dude. But I’ll try.”

“Means a lot. And stop shaking your leg, jeez.”

“Sorry.” 

I turn back from where I was trying to set the table, fixing the loose tie he’s wearing over his plaid button up. “What are you even worried about?” 

“I just don’t want him saying stupid stuff. Quit fixing my tie, it’s supposed to be messy.”

“I know that, but you suck as making it messy. Now stay still.” I pause, slipping the silk through a new loop. “What kind of stupid stuff?” 

“Secrets about me maybe.” 

“Well, we’re together. I should know all secrets.” 

“I can’t just spill them all right now. They come as they come. And they will for you too.” 

I shrug and nod, finally fixing his tie, but giving it a good tug so then his lips will meet mine. “Just calm down, okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shall I call the kids in for dinner?” 

He kisses my head, then retreats to fetch his bro and Lily. I get back to setting the table, thinking that some nice looking plates will at least make the pizza look a little fancy. I almost drop a plate though when very strong arms wrap around me from behind, picking me up at least two feet while I yelp. 

“Egbert! It’s been years!” Bro exclaims. 

“I can’t breathe!” 

He plops me back down so I can make my lungs function again, then I turn to face him. He hasn’t aged a day. Still wearing that stupid cap and pointy shades. 

“You look hot now,” he says.

I choke a bit, once again almost dropping that plate. “W-what?”

“Well, you used to be kinda dorky looking back when you were a kid. Cute, but dorky. But you’re hot now. Way to go.” 

Lily walks by, elbowing my leg. “Yeah, way to go, Daddy.”

“Shh. Help Dave with the pizza.” 

“Lil’ man tells me you direct,” Bro says, patting my shoulder. 

“Oh, yeah. Just at the State Theater and whoever else wants to hire me and such.”

“Thought you’d be in Hollywood by now with all those nerdy movies you always went on and on about.”

“I like it here. It’s home, you know?”

“Way to roll, kid. And sadly, just thought I’d give my condolences about Mrs. Lalonde and all. Great girl.” 

I smile, giving his hand a shake for that, although when I do I feel like I’m losing circulation to my fingers. “Thank you very much. Means a lot.” 

When dinner is finally served, Lily is in awe as she watching to two Striders down their pizza. I’m only reminded of the old days, and just chuckle a bit to myself when sauce drips down their chins. Lily tells him not to be a pig, and he tells her it would be a shame to ruin a napkin this early, so he’ll do it when he finishes his meal. 

“Are you shy about your eyes like Strider?” Lily asks later. 

Bro’s tongue flicks out to pull in a piece of pepperoni that’s hanging on his lip. Then he says, “Nah. They just make me look badass.” 

“Badass is a bad word.” 

“I know.” He takes off his shades easily, then sets them over Lily’s eyes instead. “See? Looking badass.” 

I give Dave a look, because I really don’t want Lily hearing those words. He sighs, and I heard the sound as he kicks his brother under the table. 

“Cool,” Bro corrects himself. “Looking cool.” 

Lily grins for a bit, then folds the shades and sets them aside on the table, out of Bro’s reach. “We’re not allowed sunglasses or hats at the table.”

“Why does the little dude get to wear—oh.” 

Dave grins and gives a finger wave, showing that he’s already left his shades off on the counter. Bro shrugs and decides to give in, removing his cap and tossing it by the sunglasses. “’Guess I should obey the Egbert home, huh?” 

“Right! Do you like the pizza? I got to sprinkle the cheese.”

“Seriously? The cheese is like the best fu—” Kick. “—best freaking part.” 

Surprisingly, even after those two ate most of the pizza, they still have room for cake, and I’m wondering where all this fat goes in their thin but muscular bodies. We all talk easily, and Dave seems to calm down with time, but I find it most entertaining either when Dave and his brother have their very odd conversations, or when Bro talks to Lily. It’s like they’re both the same age sometimes. 

At one point, Bro asks with chocolate in his mouth, “Dating any boys, lil’ flower?” 

“No, boys are icky,” she replies. 

“We’re not that bad. Does that mean Dave is icky for dating your dad?”

“He’s a big boy, though. Not little like me. But I’m almost seven! Will you stay for my birthday tomorrow, Mr. Strider?”

“Just call me Bro, kid. And I’m not leaving for another few days, so I would absolutely love to stay for your birthday tomorrow. But if you get Pretty Pretty Princess dress up, then you have to share.”

“Princesses are snobby.”

“I like you, kid. You’re going to the top of my list. What do you want to do when you grow up, huh?” 

Lily licks some ice cream off her fork. “I want to write stories. And draw pictures.” 

“I think your mommy wrote stories.”

“Mommy was a thererpest.” 

I chuckle and correct, “Therapist, honey. And she was, but she didn’t like it as much as writing. She just wanted something that brought in more money. For you and me.”

Lily seems quite proud that she choose this occupation without even knowing it was what Rose had done before her. “I want to be a writer then,” she chooses happily. “I’ll write when I grow up. Or now. What did Strider do when he was little?” she asks. 

“Little-little or teenage little?” Bro asks. 

“Oh God, no,” Dave sighs. 

“Hmm. Teenage little,” Lily decides. 

Bro thinks for a bit, scratching his cheek just under those orange eyes. “Well, he was a bit of an idiot.”

“Bro, shut up,” Dave interrupts again. 

“Always hanging out with your daddy. Locking himself up in his room to do his art secretly. He was such a dork.”

“Dude, I swear to God. Shut. Up.”

“He was promiscuous.” 

“Bro!” 

He looks over at Dave finally, raising his eyebrows. That ceasing that topic. Desert finishes on other things, such as Bro’s new animes he’s been watching, and Lily tells him all about How To Train Your Dragon. 

When everyone finishes eating, Lily drags Dave’s brother away into the living room to watch said movie about the dragon. When they’re gone, and Dave sets some dirty dishes on the counter, I ask, “What did he mean by that?” 

“Mean by what?” 

“Promiscuous.”

“I don’t know.”

I turn to him after putting the plates in the dishwasher. “What did he mean?”

“It was just a stupid kid.”

“Then it must not be a big deal. Is this the big secret you were scared of?”

He doesn’t reply, and I work silently by hand washing a few of the plates. He still doesn’t say anything until I’m drying my hands and looking at him again, and he knows I’m waiting. He gulps and finally looks away, probably wishing he had his shades on. 

“Did you sleep around?” I ask. 

He shrugs. 

“So you did.”

“You weren’t a homosexual.” 

“What?”

“I couldn’t have you, and it hurt. So yes, I used to sleep around a bit. But you always came first.” 

“You know how bad the bullies were,” I hiss. “Of course I told people I wasn’t gay. You didn’t have to whore around because of it.”

He falters, and suddenly I feel sick. 

“I… I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay,” he says dully. “I was a whore.”

“No, Dave, you weren’t. I’m sorry.”

“You just said so.”

“Dave, it was just past jealousy. Besides, we were best friends back then, I should have trusted you to tell you I was bi. It was untrustworthy of me not to.” 

Dave just sighs and shakes his head like it’s no big deal. Feeling even a bit sicker, I slowly hug him around his middle from behind, resting my head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.” 

“Me too.” 

He turns around in my hold, tilting my chin to kiss me. I hold it for a while, moving one hand to his neck to show him I want just a little more. After a minute of the room filling with the light sound of smacking lips, I feel Dave’s breath on my ear, trigging a shiver down my spine. 

“I love you,” he whispers. 

I pull my body against his, taking in a deep breath. I’ve only ever heard that from my dad, Lily and Rose. This feels different though, and the last person to say they loved me in the way he just did was Rose. God, I miss her. But I can hear her in my head now, telling me to be a man, and it makes me smile. 

“I love you too,” I say, louder, because I want him to really hear it. 

He kisses my lips one more time, and I can see how genuine his smile is. “Want to go watch a movie about some dragon?” he asks. 

“Sounds great.” 

He holds my hand to lead me into the other room. Bro and Lily are lying on their stomachs, chins in their hands, staring up at the screen as Hiccup tries to take down the mighty Night Fury. 

“Just wait until My Little Pony is on,” Dave sighs.


	12. End

Sometimes, when I look at John, I think, Holy fucking shit, I’m so damn lucky. 

He’s mixing a large pot of ramen for the family. And by family, I mean me included. He said so the other day. He called me family. It was just a casual thing, slipped into the middle of a sentence, but he has no idea how much it meant to me. 

Lily is drawing on the kitchen floor, a huge poster board spread out. I helped John out with the money and we bought her a giant two hundred pack of markers. She’s working on her latest project of patterns, her new Toothless the dragon plushie backpack still strapped on. She hasn’t taken it off since her birthday. 

“I washed your clothes,” John says, bringing my attention back to him. 

“Huh?”

“Your clothes. They’re on the bed.” 

I have clothes here. I also have a toothbrush here. I also have a free hook by the door for my jacket specifically for when I come over. 

“Thanks,” I say.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to take them home or leave them. I cleared a drawer for you.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, it’s no problem.” 

I smile, looking over at Lily on the floor once again. “Why don’t you clean that up, squirt? We’re going to eat dinner soon.” 

“Okay.” She obeys me the way she would if John ordered her to do so. She packs her markers away and sets her things against the wall before joining me at the table. Then she leans close to me, doing a horrible job at whispering, “Are you staying for dinner?”

“Duh,” I reply with a smirk. 

“Will you stay tomorrow too?”

“Probably.”

“Will you stay forever?” 

I gulp, and now I really wish she actually could whisper. I look over at John, but he’s just staring at the dinner he’s still trying to cook. I think he heard though. Turning back to Lily, I search for words.

“Maybe,” is all that comes out. 

“Will you marry my daddy?”

John immediately pipes up. “Let’s eat!”

 

The TV in John’s room is playing news in the background. I’m not really paying attention to it. I’m just sitting back in the pillows against his headboard, watching him out of the corner of my eye as he changes for bed. 

When he finishes, leaving his shirt off, he crawls onto the bed and sits right down on my lap, his arms running up my bare arms. It’s hard to think straight with him like this. 

“She asks that, you know,” he says. 

“Hm?”

“Lily. Asking if I’ll marry you. She asks that a lot when you’re not here.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“And?”

John shrugs. “I feel like everything is going perfectly.”

“Me too.” 

“Maybe one day.”

“Maybe sounds really good to me.”

He smiles and leans in to meet my lips. I cup a hand to the back of his head, the other resting on his hip, and I love how this is just… okay. That we’re like this. That I have someone that I can do this with, that I love. I wouldn’t do it with anyone but him. 

Things heat quickly. Maybe he’s thinking the same lovey-dovey stuff that I am. My hands travel and play with his chest, my mouth moving down to his neck as his fingers clench in my hair. He’s trying to keep quiet, even though Lily has been asleep for hours in her own bedroom now. I know he wants it, though. I know him all too well. 

Eventually, my hands are fumbling with the tie on his pajama flannels. He gasps lightly, moving to catch my wrists. “Dave, no.”

“Are you seriously going to cockblock me every time I try to do it with you when Lily is here? It’s, like, three hours past her bedtime, John. You already tweaked my nipples, and I’m on a mission here, and that mission is to achieve Egbert ass.”

“You sound just like you did when we were kids.” 

“Probably a good thing. Everyone swooned for kid Dave. Now shut up and let me take your pants off.”

“Look at this, we’re already fighting like an old married couple.”

“An old married couple would get tired of fighting by now and skip straight to the sex. So hurry up and strip, sweet cheeks. You can not quell the raging boner that is Strider right now.”

“Oh, so that’s what’s poking me, huh?”

“If you stopped this meaningless chatter, I could do a lot more than poke you with it.” 

He slams a hand on my chest, shoving me back into the bed again. “I think I’m going to do the poking tonight.” 

Oh God, he’s hot. “You’re going to kill these years of cool I’ve built up on by topping me, John? Do you really want to kill my image?”

“You were never cool and we both know it.” 

“I was obviously kind of cool if you used to be so in love with me.” 

“Low blow, Dave.”

“You’re the one cockblocking.”

“And now I’m the one who changed my mind and wants to top the fuck out of you while praying my daughter stays in the deepest sleep ever. Now do you want to continue this rambling, or do you want to be sucked off and pounded?” 

I choke on my words after that. Holy shit, I love adult John and past John so fucking much. I must have waited too long to answer, because John smiles and leans in, about to spread his tongue over my neck. “I’ll take that as the latter,” he whispers, and holy shit, he’s fucking great. 

 

More than just a few changes of shirts show up in the Egbert household. Undergarments join in, pants join in, along with socks extra pairs of shoes. John hangs up some of my artwork in the hallways and starts making space in his closet and dresser for my things. 

In the mornings, John and I take turns driving Lily to school. On days that I do, I go to my studio and work until lunch before driving back to John’s. On the other days, I take Lily with me when I pick her up so that she can hang out in my studio with me while I work. 

One day, I’m working on a new piece of jewelry as a pass time. It’s an abstract shape of a dragon, and I plan on giving it to Lily. On that day, Lily calls me Pa. Not Strider. Not Dave. Not Mr. Strider. She calls me Pa. 

I stare down at her through my safety glasses since I was in the middle of buffing my medal. After pushing up the glasses and stepping away from the machine I ask, “What did you say?”

“Do you like my picture?” She holds up said picture once again for emphasis. It’s fingerpainted and I think it’s supposed to be me. And John. And her. And we’re all holding hands, just like the kid pics out of the movies. 

“What did you call me though?”

“Strider?”

“No.”

“Pa?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“Why’d you call me that?”

“’Cause. Should I not?”

“No, no. It’s okay. You can. And your picture is beautiful, Lily. Is that us?”

“Mm-hm. My family.”

I pause, looking from her to the picture. “I love you. You know that, right Lily?”

“Yeah!” 

“Good. How about we hang that up in here?” 

“Really? But I thought you only hung up all your good stuff.”

“That’s why I’m hanging up yours.”

She beams brighter than ever. 

When I’m done with my metal piece, she wears it proudly around her neck on the way home, humming to herself and going over ideas on what to name it. She holds my hand when we go in, and I can already smell that John is making dinner. 

“I hope that’s pizza,” I call, kicking my shoes off and helping Lily take her jacket off.

“You wish,” John’s voice laughs from the kitchen. 

Lily takes off, wanting to show John her new dragon necklace. Then she disappears again, probably to go play with her toys. I step into the kitchen, seeing John leaning over the counter to read the newspaper, probably waiting for the oven to finish cooking whatever he’s got in there. 

I wrap my arms around him from behind, kissing his neck. “Hey.”

“Hi. Welcome home. Did you have fun?”

“Yeah… Lily called me Pa today.”

He turns around, leaning back on the counter instead. “She did?”

“Yeah.” 

“She was asking about that.”

“Asking about what?”

“She asked me what you’re supposed to call the other daddy if you have two of them. I said maybe Pops or Papa, I wasn’t sure.” 

A lot of things have been touching me emotionally lately, ever since I’ve been pulled into this family, but this one was one of the best. “She thinks of me as another daddy…?” 

John grins. “Yeah.” His arms wrap around my neck, and he kisses me passionately out of the blue. I accept it though, tilting my head into it and kissing back again and again. Sadly, we have to stop when the oven goes off.

 

One day, while John is at work, his dad comes over to pick Lily up. He’s keeping her for the night so that I can take John out on some cliché date. I’ve met him multiple times before, but this one has me all the more nervous. 

Being the father, he has permission to enter without knocking. Lily and I were in the middle of playing Dance Dance Revolution, so I’m caught a bit on the embarrassed side that Mr. Egbert saw me jumping around like Michael Jackson on an arrowed platform. 

“Quite the moves you’ve got there if I do say so myself, Dave,” he says with a chuckle, taking his fedora off before Lily jumps on him with a cry of, “GRANDPA!”

“Why thank you, sir. Although the little one keeps kicking my butt.”

“He’s a bad dancer,” Lily whispers. 

Mr. Egbert laughs again. I clear my throat awkwardly, approaching him to shake his hand after he puts Lily down. “Lily, why don’t you get your things and then find that picture you drew to show your grandpa, huh?” I say.

“Okay!”

After she’s gone, I nervously knead my fists against my jeans. To be more polite, I take my shades off, trying to ignore the way he’s studying my eyes after. 

“So you know about John and I,” I start.

“Yes, I do. He tends to talk quite a lot about you when he visits.”

“He does?” I try not to sound too excited. “Well… I think I’ve moved in? I mean, we didn’t exactly say I did, or talk about it, it just kind of happened. And well, I…” Ugh, how do you say this to a guy’s dad? Fuck… “I, kinda, well… I love your son.”

“Do you now?”

“Yes.” Oh God, I’m going to throw up. I really suck at being cool these days. I meet his eyes, those blue ones that look like John’s, and I straighten myself to try and stop looking so anxious. “It’s only been three months. But it’s been amazing. And I love him, and I love Lily. I love them both more than anything. And heck, I really pray things keep going this well, and I think they will. I do. And I don’t know exactly what our future holds and stuff, but—”

“You want my blessing.” 

I suck in a deep breath, and then nod. He grins, a sparkle appearing in his wrinkled eyes. “I want to be with him longer,” I continue, a bit less nervous now. “But at the rate things are, I wouldn’t mind being with him… forever, ya know? So I guess I’m asking for your blessing ahead of time. So that I don’t throw up on your shoes later when I’m ten times more nervous than I am now.” 

He chuckles, and I feel like a weight has been taken off my shoulders. Then he holds his hand out, smiling and waiting. I take it, and his grip is firm, but he keeps on smiling, and that causes me to smile right back. 

“I’d be honored to have you as my son-in-law someday, Dave,” he says. “I’ve never seen John look better since you came back. Lily adores you, and I myself am quite proud of what you’ve done with your life.” 

“Thank you so much.” I shake his hand, trying not to do it too vigorously from my excitement. “Thank you, sir.” 

He pats my back with another laugh, just as Lily runs back in with her backpack and drawing supplies. “I’m ready!” 

I kneel down and open my arms. “Do I get a hug goodbye?” 

She grips me tightly around the neck, then kisses my cheek once. “Bye, Pa.” 

“See ya, squirt.” 

I shake Mr. Egbert’s hand one more time as he leaves with Lily. I stay in the doorway to wave goodbye to her as the car pulls away, and I’m still going over everything my head twenty minutes later when John’s own car pulls up in the driveway. I’m already outside, so I hop down the steps to meet him. 

He’s in the middle of getting out of his car, smiling at me. “Hey, Dave. What are you doing outside, it’s kind of cold out—”

I randomly cup his face, kissing him hard. He squeaks in surprise, but I feel his body melt under my touch, gripping back onto me as our lips move together. Neither of us could care less about neighbors seeing. I just care about kissing him as deeply as I can, making him let out small noises of pleasure that I’m soon following suit in. 

When we finally part, he just smiles widely and pants a bit. “What was that for?”

“Nothing,” I mutter. I brush some hair back from his face, just studying how great he looks. How soft his skin is. “I just love you.”

“I love you too, Dave. Something happen?” 

“No. But I’m making you dinner tonight.”

“I—”

“No pizza. Promise. It’ll be a real dinner. Then we can even watch Next or something. Sound good?”

“You’re willingly watching a Nic Cage movie with me?”

I grin, then laugh and kiss him again. “Yeah, I am.” 

“What am I going to do with you, Dave Strider?” He laughs at my own laugh, his hands caressing my cheeks as he leans in to press more kisses back against my own lips.

“Nothing. Just keep me.”

“I think I can do that.” 

 

For a night alone, one would think it’d be full of bed-rocking moans. Instead, we just hold each other. Before he gets into bed, I watch him unbutton his shirt and let it fall to the ground. I realize he’s not wearing Rose’s ring around his neck. It’s in the little bowl on the dresser. He actually hasn’t touched it in days. 

He crawls in through the dark, pressing himself into my side, his head nuzzled in against my neck and shoulder. His fingertips are idly drawing soft designs against my bare chest, my own hand playing in his hair. 

“Remember when we first met?” he whispers. 

“You caught me making stuff on the wheel after school,” I chuckle softly. 

“You tried to kick me out.” 

“How is it that I never could get rid of you?” 

“I’m like a leech.”

“I’m not complaining.” 

He lets out a soft scoff that’s supposed to be a laugh, kissing my neck a few times. “Where do we go from here?”

“What do you mean? Like, life in general?”

“Yeah.”

“Does it matter?”

He doesn’t reply. I close my eyes, listening to his quiet breaths against me and the warmth of his body radiating on my skin. I think about tomorrow, when I’ll come home and kiss him, when I’ll tuck Lily in and tell her bedtime stories. When I’ll crawl into bed once more. And how I’ll fall asleep with him for every night to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I hope you enjoyed the read and comments are always enjoyed. c:

**Author's Note:**

> Egbert is the other kind of daddy for once.


End file.
